Your Name Hurts / Criston Cole / Vaera Targaryen

43. Sunshine

It was strange when rhaenyra got pregnant. It was good and different.

Their first pregnancy was the cold shoulder but now rhaenyra leaned on vaera. Alicent was still a bitchy monster but that was nothing new.

"I love their little years." Vaera remarked fondly.  Rhaenyra smiled softly back at her. "Not as much newborn but the toddler years. Oh Vizzy at this age is just so precious, its nice to see that he needs me so much, Cas and Caera are very much independent little ones, Rona and AJ have become daddy's girls since returning and granddaddy's girls." She added. "I.... I missed being back." 

"It's good to have you back." Rhaenyra agreed. 

"I can't believe I stayed away for so long." 

Rhaenyra wouldnt admit it but it was nice to have Vaera gone, she finally got to be the center of attention which was probably why Viserys didnt say anything about her boys. 

"I'm tired Vaera." 

"Oh right of course." Vaera agreed. So they werent as close as they used to be but they werent fighting as much anymore. Rhaenyra reached out grabbing Vaera's hand. 

"I am glad you are back." Rhaenyra assured. 

+

Vaera was stabbing into her supper, Alicent glared back at her annoyed. Vaera had so many reasons to be annoyed and yet she couldnt voice a single one of them because everything seemed to be fine on the surface, she didnt want to stir the pot with what was boiling underneath the false smiles. 

"Can you stop that?" Alicent demanded. Vaera glanced up from her plate. 

"What?" Vaera questioned, she hadnt realized what she was doing. 

"Stop that." Alicent demanded. 

"Oh... sorry." Vaera whispered putting her fork down. 

"Whats the matter with you?" Alicent questioned. 

"Nothing." Vaera assured. 

"Your life purpose is to be perfect and annoy me." Alicent countered. "Yet you have been quiet." 

"You told me I talk too much." Vaera recalled. 

"It's unsettling you being quiet." Alicent countered. Vaera shrugged. 

"Just not feeling well." Vaera offered, getting up from the table. 

"Do you need anything Vaera?" Aegon questioned. 

"No my sweet boy, I think I just need to hug VIzzy." Vaera decided. "He always makes me feel better."

"I think you need an Aegon hug." Aegon countered standing up. Vaera opened her arms for him and held him. Aegon melted into her. "You feel better?"

"I do." Vaera agreed. "You can let me go now."

"NO I can't." Aegon countered. 

Alicent hated her childrens obsession with Vaera but it was too late to sway them away from her now. 

Vaera headed back to her chambers hoping to see Criston but he wasnt there. SHe sighed heavily as she plopped down on the bed. Slowly she started to kick off her shoes and slither out of her dress before getting up and moving to the vanity, she stared back at herself in the mirror and felt... depressed. She saw the bags under her eyes and the usual easy smile on her lips was replaced with not quite a frown but definitely not a smile. She plopped down to the ground leaning back against the bed. 

The weather had been dreary, her relationship with Rhaenyra had been... polite.  She didnt have enough cookies that was probably the problem. 

"I have to tell mommy!" Vizzy declared. Criston chuckled. "Hi mommy!"

"Hi baby." Vaera answered. Vizzy plopped down in her lap. She felt better already. 

"I cant go to sleep im scared." Vizzy told her.

"Oh no. Baby what are you scared of?" Vaera questioned. Criston leaned on the doorframe watching them.

"Im scared of broccoli."

Vaera opened and closed her mouth before laughing out.

"Well then lets get some cookies." Vaera decided. 

"You alright little love?" Criston questioned. Vaera nodded into him that night after Vizzy went to bed. "No you are not, talk to me." 

"I just feel... like... I dont know. It's hard to explain." Vaera admitted. "I just feel blah." 

"Blah." Criston repeated. 

"Yeah, you know, blah." Vaera agreed. "Like the sun wont shine again and I wont smile fully again and the world will be blah unless I'm holding Vizzy and a cookie."

"Oh, I see." Criston agreed. "You want another baby?" 

"No," Vaera laughed out. 

"You sure?" Criston countered kissing her. 

"I dont know, I just feel strange, it will pass. I'm sure it will."

Vaera spoke to her father about these feelings and Viserys held her. 

"I have no reason to feel like this." Vaera remarked. "When we lost mother, that was a reason to be sad all the time but... I have a wonderful husband, wonderful children, I'm home with you... I should be happy." 

"Oh sweet girl, this feeling that takes over your beautiful self can't always be explained. I have these feelings too." Viserys admitted. 

"You do?"

"Yes. When you were gone mainly, I was very sad, all the time but then you came back and things got better. But I worried that you would leave again and I got sad again. A sadness that you can't control."

"A darkness that takes over the sunshine." Vaera agreed. 

"Exactly."

"How do I make it go away?" Vaera questioned. 

"I dont know, if you figure it out, let me know, please." Viserys requested. 

"We should go for a ride, I always feel better up there." Vaera suggested. 

"I like that idea." Viserys agreed. She helped him onto Calypso and let the sun break through the clouds and hit their skin. Viserys felt closer to Aemma up here. Vaera took what felt like her first real breath in ages up in the clouds.