Ocean Of Need

27 Little Bird Lost

Saturday 11th May

It's been four days since I was last in Johnny's bar. Roxy called me the next day. Asked if I wanted to meet her Saturday night, said it would be just the two of us, a quiet drink somewhere.

I didn't tell you. Not after the scene you made about me and Roxy in the cage. Apart from Jameson, I have a history of jealous boyfriends. I've learnt how to handle that .

I swing the door to Johnny's place open, it's crowded, so I make my way to the bar.

'Amber, Amber, over here,' Roxy's standing on a bar stool, shouting at me over the heads of the other punters, and waving. A couple of guys are looking up at her in her short, short skirt, and high, high heels. The guys are smiling, but not creepily. They seem nice. She looks down at them both and they each hold out a hand, lifting her down and placing her next to her stool, Marilyn Monroe style.

Clever girl. She knows how to work them, the same way I do. When she said to meet in Johnny's bar, I wondered if it was because she knows it's one of the few bars in The Bay, that is not in Freya's pocket. That means the staff are not on her payroll, and that means they're not reporting back to her.

I kiss each of Roxy's cheeks, and a guy stands from the stool next to hers, indicating that I should take it. I smile and sit down.

'What'll you have, Gorgeous,' the bar man shouts as he leans across the bar to me, ignoring the other customers, that are clearly in front of me in the getting-served-by-the-hot-barman cue.

'Margarita please,' I shout back.

'Make that two margaritas,' shouts Roxy, giving him a grim smile.

'Two margaritas coming up girls.'

Roxy turns to me and rolls her eyes. 'Watch out for that one.'

'Why?'

'Fake Dom. Hasn't a clue what he's doing. Tries to collar any girl in his eyeline. Then shows no care for them.'

'Really?' I watch the hot-as-fuck barman as he mixes the drinks. 'You sure?'

'Oh, I'm sure,' she says in a way that makes me think she's experienced him.

'Roxy, I thought you were a Domme. What were you doing with him?'

'It wasn't me that was with him. It was my friend. She had a fucking nightmare. Oh, he appears to be all charm and intellect, but that boy is a disaster. Makes everything a game, but never puts the game back in the box. Never gives aftercare, and doesn't communicate when he wants to move on. He's cold. Hard. Doesn't give a damn about anyone, except himself. He plays a dangerous game.'

A chill runs through my lungs. 'Jesus, I'm good at reading people, but I never would have picked that up. Maybe I'm losing my touch.'

'Maybe you are,' she says, raising a brow.

'What do you mean?'

'Aren't you with that guy from last Tuesday. The one that was in the cage with you? Macallan?'

'Macallan? Yeah? What are you saying? Is there something I should know?'

The now, not-so-hot-as-fuck barman is leaning over the bar with our drinks. He flicks his eyes towards Roxy, and says, 'Hey Rox. You just missed Freya. Shame, she was asking after you.'

'Freya? Freya Wilde?' I say to him.

'Yeah, that's right, Baby Girl. Freya Wilde.'

'That's who I'm staying with. She didn't tell me she was coming here.'

He smirks and Roxy's face pales as she sips her drink.

'Yeah, she just visited. Likes to keep an eye on the place from time to time.'

Shit. That means Johnny's place is in her pocket. I wonder if Jameson has anything to do with it too.

I drop my voice low, as I lean into Roxy and say, 'What did you mean - about Macallan?'

Her eyes flick to the barman, who is still standing on the other side of the bar, his eyes trained on Roxy. I see a sudden flash of something in his eyes, something that makes my blood stutter in my veins.

Roxy sees it too, and says, 'Oh nothing. Just ignore me. I'm being crazy. Probably I'm just jealous. I guess that night I thought you and I might have something. But he saw you first, and I don't play with other people's toys.'

'I'm not a toy, Roxy,' I bite back, a bit too hard, judging by the look on her face.

'Sorry, Amber. I just meant.. I mean... I don't think you're a toy. I can see that you're more than that. That's why I called you. Why I wanted to get to know you. But the other night in the cage...You definitely acted like a toy.'

'Well, yeah. But that was just a game.'

'A game? Really?'

'What do you mean?'

'I don't think your boyfriend sees it as a game, babe. The guy you're playing with, he's not playing. And anyway, BDSM is not a game. It's a lifestyle. If you want to play, find yourself a fake dom. Because Macallan is most definitely real. He's saying he owns you, that you are not for sale, and not for rent. That's what he said to me.'

Jesus. What the actual fuck? I should be furious, not sitting here feeling warm from the inside out. What the fuck is wrong with me? I want to be an independent woman. Stand on my own two feet. And yet...This feeling of being owned, being possessed, somehow it's lighting me up. I feel protected, precious, not alone.

I bite my lip, not sure what to say, so I don't say anything.

'So he's right,' says Roxy. 'He does own you.'

I smile back, 'I guess he does.'

She sighs and says, 'Oh sweetie. Just be careful. Please.'

'Careful?'

'Of your heart.'

'Oh!' I laugh. 'Don't worry about that. My heart will be just fine. It always is. I'm tougher than I look.'

'Course you are, Baby,' she says and pats my knee. 'But listen, if you ever need a friend, you come see me. I'll look after you, Little Bird. You can trust me.'

'Thanks Roxy. I could do with a friend. Freya's my friend, of course. It's just, you know...'

'Yeah,' she smiles grimly. 'I know.'

Hot-as-fuck-barman is now on our side of the bar, hovering close to me.

Roxy puts her hand on my thigh, and says, 'Fuck off, loser. She belongs to me.'

He frowns, the sparkle in his eyes shrinking to two black holes, his mood electric, as he says, 'No, Roxy, she doesn't. She belongs to Macallan, and well you know it. He flicks his eyes to me, and says, 'And partly to Freya.'

What the fuck? 'Actually,' I pitch in, 'I don't belong to anyone except myself. I'm not a piece of property to be haggled over.'

Both of them stare at me in surprise, then both burst out laughing.

'What?' I say, holding up my hands. 'How is that funny?'

'Sure you do, Baby Girl,' says the barman. 'Sure you do.' Then he struts off, back behind the bar, without a backward glance, as Roxy grabs my hand, and says, 'Come on, Little Bird. Let's go powder our noses,' and drags me towards the bathroom.

Three hours later, we're back at Unleashed, and I am higher than I've ever been in my life. I have no idea how long we've been dancing for, how many lines we've snorted, or what that last pill was, when Roxy eyes a couple across the room.

'Do you like them?' I yell in her ear.

'Maybe,' she says, 'He looks like my first husband, and she looks like my second wife.'

'Wait. What?'

But she's already stalking across the room towards them. Leaving me alone, as she takes both their hands and leads them towards an empty cage.

Oh Fuck.

I'm alone.

The hairs on the back of my neck stand on end.

Everyone in here knows I'm a Good Girl, and right now, I feel like a baby bird with a broken wing, limping through a lion's den...