Moving to the rough streets of Harlem is a step back for Lorena after running from her supposedly good life in the suburbs of Miami.
She searches for freedom in the most unlikely of places yet in meeting Cross, she couldn't find herself more trapped...
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𝘅𝘅𝘅𝗶𝗶𝗶. 𝗹𝗼𝗿𝗲𝗻𝗮 𝗿𝗼𝗱𝗿𝗶𝗴𝘂𝗲𝘇
I didn't expect for Skylar to be born a few weeks shy of her due date. I didn't expect to be birthing her just a week after being there for D in the same hospital. I didn't expect for there to be complications with the birth, either. I didn't have it nearly as lucky as D.
There were so many things which continued to take me by surprise postpartum.
Often, it was the knowing that I had the entire world in my arms yet never being able to shake the feeling of emptiness, anger and sadness.
It had been months since my baby was born. Skylar Alani Brewster. She was beautiful, but when she was placed in my arms on the hospital bed, the numbing feeling which fell over me was sudden. It felt as if I had dissociated right then and there. I couldn't smile, I couldn't shed tears, I couldn't feel.
I was so upset that I didn't feel what Delilah had said she felt. I didn't feel that motherly adoration where I could say 'I instantly fell in love'.
When she opened her doe eyes in my arms, it killed me to find that she had the shallow eyes of my mother.
Postpartum was nothing like I had expected.
Constantly, I was faced with moments where I just wanted to run from myself. That was impossible so I had settled on ideas of running away and giving up while not understanding why. At the same time, it was remembering that these were the moments I used to dream of differently. Excitedly.
I didn't want to feel this way.
"Lorena!" Cross' voice boomed throughout the entire house.
I jumped, abruptly snapped out of my reverie. I had been too busy staring into space to notice him walk in through the door or to even notice that he had already taken the time to walk around the house.
His loud voice immediately made Skylar screech into an eruption of loud cries which made me want to yank the hairs from my scalp.
Cross appeared in front of me. I had been sitting still on the couch for over an hour now, unable to move.
"Fuck is up wit' you? You told me you was gon' finally clean up the house! You still got dishes all over my kitchen and the clothes ain't washed! Why the fuck you been acting so lazy?"
"What time is it?" I croaked.
"It's nine p.m. She's crying, Lo. You ain't even gon' move to pick her up? Fuck is up witchu'?"
I could only stare at Cross expressionlessly before dropping my gaze in my lap.
He sucked his teeth and picked Skylar up from her baby lounger which was on the floor. He placed her in my arms to which she cried louder. She always did this.
