yo the chick i like is now living up to her name "casper [the fucking ghost]"
yeah she's not responding, been like a month since she's sent me any messages, i even had to go get some shit from where she works and she wasn't there, shit sucks.
i think though that she may be intentionally ghosting me this time. now hear me out because it's conspiracy time, i think she may have found a girlfriend "but how does that lead to her ghosting you?" well she knows my past and well let's just say i've not handled shit like this well with other people so i believe she's trying to avoid me acting out, which i might say while i understand her avoidance i don't believe i will act out this time... i hope.
ok so here's my justifications for why i won't be a complete creep this time.
- first: i now fully understand the consequences of my actions. yes i always "known" but i haven't felt the weight of the consequences as they're handed down.
- second: i have new medication. while new medication is a big buffer in enabling me to control my emotions it's not everything, but i believe it will help immensely when the time comes i'm being overwhelmed with my emotions.
-third: i'm a grown up. yes i know being a grown up means jack-shit, but what i'm trying to say is that i've matured, i'm communicating better, i'm thinking clearer and am in general more in control (at least i think i am lol)
-forth: strategy. in case i start to lose it, i'm going to enact a strategy i've thought of prior to prevent me from fucking things up majorly, it's kind of a fuck up slightly to avoid a major fuck up kinda plan, shit sucks but it's going to be my fail safe, it won't work perfectly but hey it's a means to an end.
jesus i'm starting to speak like a real douche on here lol
YOU ARE READING
The Diary of an obsessive idiot(diary 4)
Non-Fictionmy diary, read it or don't i really don't care
