IT'S YOU

11. kim Hongjoong

Numbness was all I felt. I had been awake now for the past four hours. The room was dark as usual but that's how it always was and is. My entire life is just filled with darkness. I have no idea how long I have been in this hospital room but I was ready to go home, lock myself in my room and never come out. Maybe that way, I'll stay safe.... Will I though? Safe? Is that word even real? Or maybe it's that I was cursed to live such a life. Am I even living at this point in time? Or am I just existing or filling up space at home? Maybe all of this will come to an end when I'm gone, my dad won't have to worry about me when he's not around, I wouldn't be a burden to my brother and sister and they can carry on with their lives as if I wasn't here. Then there's Seonghwa... Seonghwa? Would he even care if I went missing? Probably not. I just met him. I don't know anything about him and yet, he also got tangled up in this mess of my life. Why was he still here though? Was he expecting to get something out of this? Whatever his motives are, I had to stay away, from ALL of them.

"Joong? Are you awake?", I turned my head to the left and saw Seonghwa next to my bed. Him again.... He smiled at me. I wished he  didn't do that. He placed his hand on my forehead and smiled again. "You're fever is gone so that is good but you now have to eat." I looked away. "I'm not hungry", I mumbled. I heard him let out a small chuckle. "Okay then. Then I guess you'll have to stay in this cold, dark room until you do eat." I looked at him in confusion. "If you eat, maybe you can go home by today? Or have you grown to like this room?" He asked still smiling at me. ". I shook my head and sat up. "Thats better. Here, be careful, it's a bit hot", he said handing me a bowl of soft porridge. I gave him a small "thank you" and slowly started eating, hoping it stays down then I can leave this wretched place. I've always hated hospitals, due to what I've been through but who cares, right? As long as it's someone else, nobody gives a shit.

"Joong! Are you ready to go home?", wooyoung hyeong asked as he rushed over to my bed as I was packing. I gave him a small nod. I have to really stick to my word and keep away from all of them and this starts now. Hyeongie turned to seonghwa and they talked quietly. In a small way, I was curious about what they were talking about even though I knew it was about me.

"Let's go, guys, dad is waiting in the car and Joong, I'm glad you're feeling better.", my sister said from the doorway. "Feeling better?", I asked myself. I wasn't feeling anything besides self hate. I followed behind them as my body was aching still. Seonghwa had offered to take my bags but I had grabbed them before he could say or do anything. This is going to hurt more than anything but I have to do it.