WARNING!! Eating disorder! DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVE ANY EATING PROBLEMS! PLEASE DONT
Being on the same team as your girlfriend is amazing. Getting to wake up to them everyday, train with them and talk to them, face to face, is something I never take for granted. Lucy and I had being doing long distance for a year, before she signed to Barca and we got to play together. For the first year we were together, the year we were apart, no one other then our teammates and family knew about the relationship. But once she came to Barca we made it offical to the public, posting a cute little picture of us together on the beautiful beach of Barcelona.
But to say it's only been uphill from there, is a lie. Well at least for me. And that's because well Lucy, she's always been a star in the media's eyes, and in mine to, obviously. But the internet loves Lucy, and would pair her up with different people, or get upset when she was seen with different people. I feel they love her so much that no one would ever be good enough for her, in their eyes. And so when the internet found out about Lucy and I, let's just say I got a lot of backlash and hate. It started off with small things like "why would Lucy be with her?" Or "Lucy could do better." And hey, I get that. I agree. Lucy can find someone ten times prettier than me. And I can handle that. That type of backlash was fine. But then it started getting more heated and I would receive death threats, or comments on posts that I'm in saying how ugly, fat, disgusting or untalented I was. And after hours of scrolling through comments, seeing comment after comment of how fat or unlovable and unattractive my body was, I started to believe it too. I went back to all my posts, zooming in on my body in every single one of them. Picking out the flaws and disgusting myself.
I realised that they were right. I was ugly, I was fat, I was worthless. So that's how I ended up in this mess.
It was another day at training. Every morning before training everyone heads to the Rec room for breakfast. Lucy and I head over, and she kisses my forehead before running off to catch up with Ona and Keira, grabbing food with them. I smile at her childlike behaviour, before looking towards the breakfast bar. I look at the options and decide my best bet to lose weight is to just skip breakfast. So I turn around, without telling anyone, and head to the gym to do a run. The girls will take around half an hour to have their breakfast, so it gives me a good amount of time to go for a quick run before heading to the changing room.
—
I head into the changing room, a few minutes before the rest of the girls start piling in, and get changed into my training kit. Just as I'm tying my shoelaces, the girls start to make their way in. Alexia first, smiling at me when she spots me. I smile back and look back down at my shoe.
"Hey baby." Lucy says taking her seat next to me, as our cubbies were right next to each other.
I smile up at her.
"Hey amor." I say back.
She starts getting changed, will still talking to me.
"Where were you? I turned to look behind me, and you were gone." She says pulling her shirt over her head.
I shrug.
"Didn't feel like sitting with everyone, so I grabbed an apple and decided to sit here in silence." I say making up the quickest lie I could.
Her brows bunch together and she looks at me confused.
"Why?"
I shrug again and turn around, handing her my hair tie to plait my hair, like always.
"I felt like it. Don't worry about it, Luce." I say softly.
She starts to plait my hair and kisses the top of my head.
"Okay honey. Just let me know if anything is going on." She whispers.
I nod and wait for her to finish the plait.
Training was intense. Like always. We started off the day in the gym, I was working on upper body today, before heading out to the field to do some drills. After 5 hours of training, we all head inside for lunch. I gulp and look over at the lunch we're being served. I can't do it. I just cant.
"Hey Lucy." I say looking over at her while we walk into the building together.
She looks down over at me, raising her eyebrows in question.
"I'll catch up with you later, I just remembered I have an appointment with the physio right now." I say smiling a little at her.
"Oh." She says pausing for a second. "I don't remember you telling me. I thought you had one yesterday." She says.
I nod but shrug my shoulders.
"I did, but they wanted me to come in today too. So, I'll just catch up with you when we rewatch and analyse the game from the weekend." I say back.
She nods. "Want me to save you some lunch?" She asks sweetly.
My heart melts at her thoughtfulness.
"No honey it's fine. Bye now." I say, speed walking away from her.
