Good Girl

Church

HANNAH MARIE JORDAN
Sunday

There's an army rising up
There's an army rising up
There's an army rising up
To break every chain, break every chain, break every chain
To break every chain, break every chain, break every chain

There's an army rising up
There's an army rising up
There's an army rising up
To break every chain, break every chain, break every chain
(To break every) To break every chain, to break every chain, break every chain
The chains are broken (The chains are broken)

7:13 am

Jumping out of my sleep to hear the music my mother played the smell of bleach and fablosa hit me when I walked into the hallway. Seeing all the damn curtains open where people could see inside my apartment. She had the vacuum out and the broom on my kitchen floor. Stuff covers the sofa bags and boxes of shit I definitely didn't leave there. Waking me up from my sleep on a Sunday morning was rude as fuck since this week I was working a few shifts back to back.

"ALEXA PAUSE." I shouted over the loud music that played. Seeing my mother appear in an orange momo and a black bonnet over her head. I hadn't seen her like that in years usually she was dressed and out. Especially since she was gone home so why the fuck was she cleaning my house.

"Hannah I'm trying to clean this house we can't live like this." Leaving the top of the steps to see her face because I knew I heard her wrong. What the hell do you mean we can't live like this? What was that even supposed to mean?

"What do you mean we can't?"

"I figured I could stay while I get a divorce." Blinking my eyes trying hard not to snap because I have a packed house now where was she going to sleep. Holding back the words I just looked at her.

"Where are you going to sleep?"

"It doesn't matter."

"It does matter mama anytime you Anderson or Andrew stop -
I don't fuck care do you." Inhaling and exhaling wasn't working I was about to lose everything. Most people would be happy to live with their parents I'm not it took me 20 years to unlearn shit that wasn't even parenting. Setting boundaries and demanding respect for 3 years later her to walk in and ran over everything I had set. Walking back to bed.

"We going to church as a family be ready by 10:00"

"Hannah." Waking up at 9:00 to the music louder than before while my mother was in my closet.

"Why are you doing this?" I don't consider myself religious I consider myself to be a spiritual person I prayed maybe not as much or often as I should've but I did. After being raped I figured God didn't care for me. I only went to church for funerals and something special like a baby christening or a church wedding. But just getting dressed every Sunday morning and going nope. Every now and then I would catch a Joel Osteen service.

"We need prayer." Getting up and going to bathe since I could not have privacy in my room.

"I pray for you every night." She randomly spoke as the cool water got hot adjusting the pressure and letting it rain down on me.

"Hannah I haven't always been the best mother to you but I've done my best you just so much like your father. You are the only child I have that doesn't say I love you." Growing up I didn't hear that word a lot I just should have felt the love. I put a roof over your head or clothes on your back or I fed you, gave you a bed to lay in.

"Can we do this later right now I just want to shower."

"Hannah I love you." She said to me.

"I love you too."