Half A Year

Chapter 10

Shannon's P.O.V.
Its been three days and now we're on location at Parker Palm Springs Hotel and we'll be staying here for 3 days shooting an episode for the show. I can't count how many times I've checked if I've got all my medication packed that will last me the whole trip, I can't risk another person knowing about my disease most especially Lizzie.

In the span of three days, I can tell you that I've learned a lot about Lizzie since she started spending time with us during break times or just in between takes. She drinks protein shakes and coffee in the morning, her favorite dessert is ice cream (Vanilla with cinnamon and almonds, a bit of toffee for that extra crunch), might probably have a little trip to the ice cream shop back in New York when we get back. Reads books, more about acting and non fiction. Loves old movies, like way back in the 1900 century, specifically Gone With The Wind in 1939. I haven't seen the film but she said she would happily watch it with me sometime.

I know I shouldn't be getting attached to her but that plan is getting harder for me to do when I have to talk directly to her every single day, and my heart is too vulnerable when it comes to her so how the fuck will I do that. It frustrates me, because this would all be a mess if the time comes and it will hurt her but I just couldn't resist that smile and those gorgeous eyes and her stunning face and good heart. Basically, she's making it impossible for me to distance myself from her and that bothers me—a lot.

"Hey!" Katia jumps out of nowhere and snaps me out of my thoughts. I swear this girl is like a fucking cat.

"Can you stop doing that." I say and she laughs giving me a nudge as I continue to clean my lenses. "What do you want this time?"

"Lizzie's looking for you. Oh and I've gone by the pool, the lifeguard is Mm-mm. I took a picture see?" She holds up her phone and show me the picture. He's blonde, has a nice body. The typical guy you imagine a life guard would look like, a guy that would be qualified to be one of the people in the movie Baywatch. That kind of guy.

"He's a heartbreaker alright." I say and she snatches her phone away with a small pout on her face making me smile. She sits with me on the bench while I finish up cleaning.

"Did you take your pills?" She suddenly asks and I nod glancing at her. Katia always asks this every day and even though she won't show it that much, I knew that the moment she found out about it, she'd be just scared as I am. "Good. Lizzie's looking for you."

"Why?"

"I don't know." She shrugs but smiles teasingly. "It seems like you two are getting closer now." I sighed heavily. There it is again, the feeling of being in between. It is a dream for me to be closer to her, even though the possibility of us being together is still at zero percent, Well for starters, she has a boyfriend, but I'm not so sure about him either. Next is she's one of the high top actors existing in this industry and working with her alone is a privilege already and lastly, she's straight, so being closer to her is really a dream come true, but hey, there's a catch. I have cancer and about to die pretty soon enough so being close to her means leaving her behind and that leads to hurting her and I can't do that to her.

"I believe that was suppose to make you happy. What's with the cloud of air grandpa?" I gave her a knowing look hoping she'll get it.

"Oh, that." Its her turn to let out a cloud of air as she slowly looks away. "Well, that sucks." She whispers.

"Totally sucks."

"But you deserve to be happy too right. You don't have to slowly cut her out. Just let it be Shan, even under the circumstances—"

"Even under the circumstances that I'm dying" I whispered and she goes quiet and knowing Katia, she finds it hard to do that. "I can't hurt her Kat. It would make it harder to leave."