Make your own kind of Music | A Shubman Gill x Ishan Kishan Fanfiction

Diamond heart

If I had a diamond heart

I'll give you all my love

If I was unbreakable

If I had a diamond heart

You could shoot me with a gun of gold

If I was unbreakable

***

Ishan's 26th birthday passed in the strangest way.

Firstly he was on crutches, which made him feel much older than 26th. Secondly, two people who would always be there during his birthdays, on call if not in person, were missing.

To be honest, Aditi did text him a perfunctory 'happy birthday', to which he replied a perfunctory 'thanks', and Shubman did call him (four minutes before midnight like they did to ensure they were the first person to wish). Ishan thought carefully over the minute his phone rang and decided he would not answer.

He would not be fickle-minded and destroy his newfound peace. He was so much better off without them.

It was so liberating to be free from expectations.

The moment the call rang itself out, Ishan got the urge to reach for it and dial the caller back. That was what was expected of him.

He would not do what was expected of him.

He would not undertake any further expectations in his life, least of all from two particular people.

Shubman wasn't there when the team video called him from Sri Lanka. It was from Rishabh's phone, who hung around a bit longer than the others, clearly having a motive in mind.

"Why are you doing this, Ishan?" he asked, finally. "What did Shubi even do?"

"He didn't do anything, as such," said Ishan. "But honestly, I'm tired of everything linked to him and Aditi."

"Aditi broke up with you. Shubman didn't get her to break up with you. You can't get up one day and suddenly decide that someone you spent all your time with suffocates you."

"I never said he suffocates me." Ishan frowned.

"Sure," said Rishabh sarcastically. "You gave us the pieces of the jigsaw. We just put it together."

"Us? We?" said Ishan. "Oh, it's you and Shubman against me?"

"Obviously it is me and Shubman against you," said Rishabh. "I don't side with people who hurt my friends."

"Yeah," said Ishan ungraciously. "Ok."

He kept telling himself he was doing the right thing. The two most important people in his life had been fighting over his priorities. It was better he prioritized his own peace of mind over people who never did anything but disrupt it.

***

Ishan had been forced to tell his family about his break up, because naturally, they'd asked about Aditi. So they treated him delicately, like breakable glass. His older brother wanted to know what had gone wrong, but Ishan couldn't bring himself to repeat the story.

Even the story was suffocating.

Everything was weird after a break up. Suddenly being 'single' from 'committed'. Suddenly having a bend in the road into the future, especially after planning to ask Aditi to move in with him. Suddenly lacking a ear always ready to listen. Suddenly not having any reason at all to laugh, or even smile, day in, day out.

The last two, Ishan was sure, was mostly due to Shubman's absence instead of Aditi's.

Technically, he had broken up with two people and he was suddenly left with nothing.

Why had he ended up with such people as the centre of his life?

***

I'd walk straight through the bullet

Bending like a tulip, blue-eyed and foolish

Never mind the bruises

Into the fire, breaking through the wires

Give you all I've got

***

Ishan missed Shubman with a dangerous intensity that scared him.

He missed Shubman more than he would miss a part of himself.

Every second. Every minute. Every hour. Every day.

This could not be healthy.

If they went back to the way they were, Ishan feared they would be ruining their lives. They were coming in the way of each other's relationships and practically everything in each other's lives.

Aditi was right.

It irked Ishan to admit it, but she was right when she said his world began and ended with Shubman. And he was pretty sure Shubman's began and ended with him, too.

He understood now why Aditi had found it impossible to stay on with him. No one would want to spend their life with someone whose world began and ended with someone else. It was so obvious, Ishan didn't know why it had taken him so long to realize that.

Without Shubman, the very air was difficult to breathe in, as if in mourning. Without Shubman, every colour was dulled, like they were in mourning, too.

Without Shubman, the hole in Ishan's chest widened a little bit every second, every minute, every day, a hole that threatened to swallow him whole.

Ishan may have said he was tired of Shubman's dependence on him, but he was every bit as dependent on Shubman.

And it had to stop.

It had to stop.

***

If I had a diamond heart

I'd walk straight through the dagger

Never break the pattern

Diamonds don't shatter, beautiful and battered

Into the poison, cry you an ocean

Give you all I've got