Make your own kind of Music | A Shubman Gill x Ishan Kishan Fanfiction

The burden of expectations

Ishan heard them screaming practically all the way from the nets. He didn't suppose they knew how loud they were being, but in a way, he was glad.

"All right! I am not leaving for his sake or yours. I am leaving for my own sake. I deserve better than someone who uses me as a-I don't know-a backup or something-"

A backup? thought Ishan. Aditi thought he used her as as a backup? A backup to what, anyway?

"HE IS NOT USING YOU. YOU DON'T GET TO SAY HE'S USING YOU JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE INSECURE."

Shubi. I told you not to tell her anything.

"YOU DO NOT GET TO CALL ME INSECURE BECAUSE YOU TWO ARE BLOODY BLIND, SHUBMAN."

"YOU CAN'T BREAK UP WITH HIM OVER WHO LOVES HIM! HE'S A CELEBRITY, MILLIONS OF PEOPLE LOVE HIM! YOU'RE A CELEBRITY, MILLIONS LOVE YOU TOO! YOU CAN'T JUST BREAK UP-"

Why was Shubman so immature? 

"DON'T TELL ME WHAT I CAN AND CANNOT DO. I am the only one who decides what I deserve."

Ishan could see them now, standing feet apart just shy of the gates of the hotel, both with their fists clenched.

"Oh, yes? You end a four year long relationship in a single day because you need more attention from your boyfriend and you imagine you deserve better than him?"

Ishan froze.

"More attention? If we must go into the question of attention, and if you claim you're not always looking for his, why do keep calling when you know he's on vacation, or he's busy, or he's doing any damn thing except paying you all his attention?"

Attention.

"It's all right when you do that, call him all the time when he's on tours, because-oh, I forgot, you're his girlfriend, you own him. But of course it's wrong if I do that, because I'm just his best friend. And girlfriends always come over best friends, right?"

Expectations.

"I don't call him half as much as you do. And yes, for most people, girlfriends do come over their best friends."

Priorities.

"Yeah, so Ishan isn't most people. So he doesn't pick his girlfriend above his best friend all the time and you're wounded over that. Get over yourself, Aditi, and stop acting the victim."

All the damn time.

"I didn't even think of acting the victim till you-"

"WILL YOU BOTH SHUT UP?" shouted Ishan, just as Aditi stopped and she and Shubman turned together in Ishan's direction.

Both of them flinched. Ishan guessed they had been thinking they were the only ones who could shout.

"I'm sick of the two of you," he said, entirely honest. "I'm sick of being asked to choose between you all the time. Everyone has a girlfriend, everyone has a best friend, and I never saw any of them fighting like schoolkids over attention. Whenever I'm with Aditi, you make me feel guilty I'm not with you, Shubman. Whenever I'm with Shubman, I'm guilty I'm not with you, Aditi. Both of your mountains of expectations is so high, I didn't even realize how long it has been crushing me-" 

Shubman and Aditi's eyes were wide. Neither of them seemed capable of speaking.

"Then you both act like saints over the whole goddammed issue. Shubman, you offered to stay distant, making sure I know how big a sacrifice you're casting for me. All the while hoping I would actually cut if off with Aditi to close the distance-" Shubman's head was bent right down now.  "And you, Aditi, said you did not mean that Shubman and I should maintain distance, but now it's clear you were hoping I'd push him away altogether, maybe." Aditi's mouth was half open.