Make your own kind of Music | A Shubman Gill x Ishan Kishan Fanfiction

Tryst with reality

If Ishan had been in a state of perpetual confusion for the past two months, today was the pinnacle.

Seven hours did sound horrible.

Okay, he could pass the first five hours for sleeping. Technically four and half, but he would claim five.

But for the remaining two hours, he had just stayed in his room. Doing nothing, much. Overthinking a bit. Waiting for Shubman to come first. Talk first. Though he acknowledged it was an unfair thing to expect of him.

It was not like he knew what he'd say if he had to talk first.

It was not like he knew what he wanted.

Shubman's outburst didn't help him in knowing what he wanted. It only affirmed what he'd known very well about how much he'd been hurting Shubman, and how much he'd been hurting himself, and how much the whole thing terrified him.

Ishan finally went out of his room. The first person he found was Rohit bhaiya.

"Rohit bhaiya, do you know which hospital they took Shubman to?"

"Yes, we all know, kiddo, except you." Rohit bhaiya sounded rebuking, but not unkind. "I think it's better if you don't go now. Virat said Shubi's not...well, he's a bit out of control, right now, so...how about you wait till he comes back?"

"When will that be?"

"Should be in a few hours, if he's talking normally like Virat said."

"Oh, right."

"Ishan?" said Rohit bhaiya. "I don't know what exactly happened between you and Shubi, and I won't ask, but from what I do know, he hasn't done anything unforgivable. We've seen him over the last two series...and I don't think it's a change any of us like. If you love him, which we all know you do, don't do this to him anymore. You're going to regret it so badly someday, and then it might be too late."

It sounded a lot similar to what Shahneel di had said. Life is too short to be holding grudges against the ones you love.

Had he been stupid to cut them both off?

Two people he had loved...and still loved...so much, for so long...

"I-I know, Rohit bhaiya..."

Aditi hadn't ended her side by saying they should never talk again. She'd said she hoped they could talk as friends someday. Ishan had shouted and driven her away in a way from where she probably didn't want to be friends anymore.

As for Shubman...

He'd talk to Shubman when he came back. 

Ishan opened Aditi's contact after what seemed like ages.

She answered the call.

"Hello, Ishan."

Her voice brought back a painful familiarity.

"Hello...Adi, um, Aditi." Ishan stalled. "I'm...I'm sorry I made our ending so awful. I don't suppose you think it's possible for us to remain friends anymore, but I...I'd have liked to. I know it's been a long time-"

"It's just been two months, Ishan," said Aditi. "People can renew friendships after much longer periods."

"So, are you ok with us...renewing our friendship?"

"Yes."

"Even after what I said before you left?"

"You mean screamed?" said Aditi.

"Yes, er, screamed."

"How about I come over to your hotel and you give me a treat and we forget that screaming bit?"

"You're here?" said Ishan, stunned. "In Mumbai?"

"I've been living here since my new contract. My flat's not too far from where you guys would be staying."

"You can meet today?" said Ishan, hopefully.

"Yeah, if you're free."

"I'm free," said Ishan quickly. "I'll come to pick you up."

"No, no, there's no need," said Aditi drily. "We're going to be friends, not, um, a couple. I don't see friends picking each other up."

In spite of the awkwardness, Ishan felt a lot better. "Right. But I'll drop you home if it's late. Even friends do that."

"Okay," said Aditi with a smile in her voice.

***

Rishabh cornered him when he was pacing in the reception, waiting for Aditi.

"Finished sleeping, I see."

"Why didn't you tell me Shubi's in the hospital?" Ishan demanded.

Rishabh raised his eyebrows. "I didn't get any indication from you that you would care to know that."

"Shut up," said Ishan, scowling.

"You've not spoken to him in weeks, Ishan. Weeks and weeks, with no reason. What is your reason? Please don't give me that I'm happier without him bullshit. It's bullshit and you know that."

"I know that was bullshit. I just felt our relationship was kind of toxic," said Ishan. "I don't know-"

"Toxic?" demanded Rishabh.

"I don't know," said Ishan again. "Sometimes, it's like nothing but he matters to me. Isn't it kind of scary?"

"It is kind of scary," admitted Rishabh. "But..."

They were interrupted by the receptionist saying, "Sir, you have a visitor."

Before the apprehension could take over, Ishan said, "Show her in, please."

***

They walked to the hotel cafeteria for Ishan's treat, catching up on news. It gave Ishan a momentary pang that he knew exactly what she would order before she did...there were just a lot of stuff you got to know about your girlfriend in four years without even registering.

Ex-girlfriend.

It was surprisingly easy to talk to her, even after a break up, a rude, screaming goodbye and two months of silence. Even if they avoided several topics, it was easy, and it did not overwhelm Ishan with longing, as he'd feared.

"And how are things between you and Shubman?" asked Aditi over dessert.

"Lousy, I guess," said Ishan, who had been hoping to avoid the topic, too. "We haven't been talking much...since that day. After you and I broke up."

"Why?" asked Aditi, shocked.

"I don't know." Ishan was tired of saying I don't know and even more tired of not knowing anything. "He was mostly why we had to break up..."

"And that's the solution you found? Cutting Shubman off?"

"I was angry, and he was there...and he was being stubborn, so I guess...I guess I took it all out on him."

"Why haven't you made up by now then?"

Ishan searched in the depths of his brain. "Our stupid bond led me to losing you, Aditi. I think someday it's going to lose us everything. It's not just normal attachment...it's more like...something of an obsession..."

"Your stupid bond is the reason of your existence, Ishan. And Shubman's, too."

"No, you don't understand," said Ishan. "It's just not normal. I used to think of him all the time. I guess I still do. No matter where I would be, in what state of mind, he'd be the first person in my mind. If I knew he's unhappy, I would drop everything in my own life and run to make it better for him. If I knew he's happy, all I'd want is to go and soak it in. It's driving me crazy to be away from him so long...hell, just one week away from him would drive me crazy. No achievement of mine, no joy, no beauty is complete without him..." Ishan paused for breath. "Don't you see how crazy and unhealthy it is?"

Aditi looked down.

"If it helps, you just described exactly how I feel about you, Ishan. And possibly every lover in the world."