Diamonds Are Not Forever

CHAPTER FOURTY

CHAPTER FOURTY
Juliette

I was crying, and I hated myself for it.
The tears didn't start to fully fall until I'd gotten to Elliot's bedroom and shakily sat myself down on the seat below the bay window, my body cold and numb as I stared out absentmindedly at the grounds of Lavender House.
I felt so stupid, for letting my insecurities ruin an otherwise perfect afternoon, and for believing that there was any part of Elliot Truman that was good.
After he'd taken me to Hasting Hills, the way he had been so gentle and asked about my family, I thought there was a chance...
Well, I don't know what I thought there was a chance of, but he had been a different Elliot with me at his parents' house. One that was softer around the edges and free from the responsibilities he'd taken on at his father's business.
But then he'd flipped the switch.
'Maybe people like me can't be with people like you.'
I blanched at the memory of his words.
Maybe they hurt so much because I knew they were true.
The sound of the door opening behind me awakened all my nerve endings, I quickly pushed the hot tears from my face and turned further towards the window, so I couldn't be seen crying.
I didn't have to turn around to know it was him.
"Juliette?"
His voice was strained, laced with emotion, as his footsteps grew closer towards me.
My good sense told me I didn't want him to see how weepy he had made me, but there was this small irrational part that screamed out for him. I was like a moth to a flame, knowing I was going to get burnt, but the light was too intoxicating. Too beautiful.
When I didn't say anything in response, Elliot took a seat next to me, his weight shifting the cushions beneath us, so my body naturally leaned into him.
"Juliette." He repeated.
I pushed another tear from my face with the back of my hand, "I'm not in the mood right now Elliot."
The bottle of wine I'd consumed with Millie whilst playing cards and the argument with Elliot had caused a pulsing around my temples, like a kick drum was pounding in my head. I brought my fingertips to my forehead and started to rhythmically rub circles into my skin, a small but appreciated relief.
To my surprise, Elliot reached out and grasped both my hands in his, bringing them down to my lap as he willed me to look him in the eyes. He ran his thumbs across my knuckles, tugging them forward until I had no choice but to look up.
Even through blurry vision and fogged glasses, he looked handsome.
His crystal blue eyes were glossy and strained, frayed at their edges from concern and wariness. His mouth was set in a firm line, his perfectly sculptured jaw tense and rigid as his gaze bore into me.
When he spoke again, his voice filled my ears and consumed my senses.
"What I said...I-" he seemed so lost, like he didn't know what to do with himself. "I shouldn't have said it. I was angry and I lost control of my emotions."
He didn't let go of my hands, just pulled them into his own lap as he continued his soothing strokes along my sensitive skin.
His comforting touch warmed my whole body, it almost made me forget he was the reason I needed comforting in the first place.
I reflexively removed my hands from his, his face dropping from the loss of contact, and folded them together on top of my thigh.
"You didn't say anything that wasn't true." I echoed, unable to look him in the eye as I spoke.
Elliot let out a low and simpering growl. "No, Juliette..."
He ran his hand through his already messy hair, unable to voice what he was trying to say. I could tell he was holding back on me, the way his shoulders hunched, and muscles flexed from the tension.
Because I couldn't bare the silence, I filled the space with my own rambling words.
"I shouldn't have accused you of flirting with Ashley, I should have known Ashley wouldn't do that to me-"
I took a deep breath, then continued.
"-But guys always want her over me, they use me to get to her or generally just don't realise I exist when she's around. It's not Ashley's fault, how am I supposed to compete with someone who looks like a bloody model and also has a heart of gold?"
I allowed myself a peek of Elliot, my heart racing at a million miles an hour in my chest as I let my insecurities ricochet around the room.
He just stared at me silently, his pupils flaring at my words.
I felt like I had to carry on, for my own sake more than anything. If I was going to be vulnerable, I might as well be vulnerable all the way. It was now or never to say what had laid heavy in my chest for some time.
My cheeks burned, my breathing faltered, but I resumed.
"At every turn Elliot, you have reminded me that I am not the type of woman you are usually with. Your first ever words to me were you telling me that I was lucky someone as strong as you was around to catch me when I tripped and fell that night outside the club, you weren't very subtle with what that implied."
"Juliette I-" He interrupted, his brows knitted together in thought, but I held my finger to his lips to stop him from talking.
"Let me say my piece, then you can speak." I reasoned.
When he nodded his agreement, his lips pursed against my fingertip, I removed my hand and continued.
"The Agreement, you included me having to do exercise as part of our arrangement. I know you removed it after I mentioned it...but why was it in there in the first place? You wanted to change me Elliot, maybe you still do. I don't know..."
You're doing great Juliette, keep going! I willed myself.
"Cause tonight when you said what you said...It confirmed what I already knew. What you'd already told me in so many ways since we first met. There is no world outside of this fictional one we have created, where someone like you would choose someone like me. And I can't tell you how inexplicably sad that makes me feel."
I felt lighter, getting all that off of my chest. It had been weighing me down more than I'd realised, the feeling of not being good enough simply because of the way I looked.
And I don't just mean with Elliot, but with every guy I had ever liked, ever kissed, ever dated. Not one man had ever made me feel like I was good enough, so I never felt like I was.
Giving it a voice was soul destroying and liberating, all in one.
Elliot's lips parted, to allow for his shallow breaths. He seemed perplexed, totally overwhelmed by my barrage of words.
"Now its your turn to speak." I whispered, as earnest as the situation called for.
He ran his eyes over mine, a soft and vulnerable glint in his baby blues as they bore into my very soul.
Reaching out, he traced both of his hands along the length of my hairline, making every hair on my head stand on end from the contact. Lazily, he ran his fingertips across my cheeks, mirroring the action on either side of my face before settling his hands along the sides of my jaw. His fingers and thumbs fit perfectly around my ear as he held my head in place, his eyes not leaving mine for a second.
I felt anchored to him, unable to move away from his embrace as a rush of yearning unfurled in my stomach and spiralled around my body.
He was so close, I could feel his hot breath on my skin as I let my eyelids flutter closed.
Without sight, every other sense was heightened.
The intoxicating smell of his cologne; Sandalwood and Amber and Masculinity. The feel of his palms cupping my face, setting the skin underneath alive with want.
I felt the cushion of the window seat shift beneath us as Elliot leaned in and ran his nose along the length of mine, until his full lips hovered over my mouth.
This was his response, the need for words disposable.
He paused, silently asking for permission to cross a boundary neither of us had verbally set but that had been implied from the moment we entered our contact.
I'd been starved of his kiss too many times before that moment, in his closet in the apartment, in his car in the rainstorm.
He'd been holding back from me each time; internally and physically retreating.
But this time, he was done denying himself.
And so was I.
Despite my better judgement, I wanted Elliot Truman.
I nodded my nonverbal agreement to him, my lips parting as the air sang around us. In one gentle sweep, Elliot brushed his lips slowly over mine, and I was set alight.
It was a tattoo of a kiss, despite its softness, I knew it would be permanently etched onto my skin for the rest of eternity.
I wanted to open my eyes and take in every inch of him, but I was too dazed by his embrace to open them. As his fingers slid into the back of my hair, I tilted my chin up, allowing him easier access to continue his sweet assault of delicate kisses at the corners of my mouth and along my swollen bottom lip.
He tasted of brandy and mint, a combination that shouldn't work but just did.
When Elliot grazed his touch down the back of my neck and towards my shoulder, one hand still holding my head steady, I moaned into his mouth from the sweet phenomenon of being touched so tenderly by him.
That was it, Elliot came alive as he let out a low but powerful growl, sharply tugging the back of my head down, forcing my face up so he could deepen the kiss. I wanted to wince from the shock and the sharpness, but I was too consumed by the feel of his body pressed against mine as his tongue spilled into my mouth.
I'd never been kissed with so much determination; pleasure bloomed in my stomach and pooled at my groin as Elliot's free hand explored my body.
When he looped his arm around my waist and pulled me flush to his torse, he leaned his head back, breaking our kiss so he could catch his breath.
My own breaths were a staccato as I opened my eyes and took in the Adonis before me, his face dark and lips swollen from our passionate kiss.
"Wow."
I brought the hand that wasn't crushed between our heaving bodies to my mouth, feeling the sensitised skin zing under my nails.
After he'd regained some composure, Elliot smirked and echoed my amazement.
He didn't remove his arm from me as I sat practically in his lap, my breasts grazing his chest every time I exhaled one of my shallow and unsteady breaths.
My head was reeling, my body singing. It was a heady combination.
Elliot ran the heel of his hand up my leg until it rested at the apex of my thigh. "Why are we always tipsy when we have sex?" He breathed, tracing circles that made me pulse on command.
I ran my tongue slowly over my lips, trying to regain some of the moisture that had left at the boldness of his words. "We're going to have sex?"
You're a mess Juliette, pull it together.
He hummed a yes, snaking his hand up my back so it rested at the top of my spine, before tilting my head to the side and exposing the sensitive skin of my neck.
I was overloaded with sensation when he planted staggered wet kisses from my collar bone, all the way up to the base of my ear.
"It doesn't have to mean what you think it will, consider it an appendix of our agreement." He panted against my skin between each word.
Ah yes, our agreement.
A stupid piece of paper that I'd signed only a few days before, but it felt like a whole lifetime since then.
I blinked a few times, completely lost, placing my hand on his muscular shoulder to steady myself when he nipped at my ear.
"How do you know I want to have sex with you?" My voice sounded pathetic.
I was stalling, simply because two halves of me were internally fitting with one another.
The part that was till angry at Elliot, and the part that so desperately wanted to rip off his clean white shirt and run my tongue over every inch of his torso.
He dipped his head back, assessing me through his darker than dark lashes.
"Have you forgotten," He reached down and felt the peak of my breast, my hard nipple betraying me as he ran my obvious sign of arousal through his fingers until is hardened further in his palm. "I already know your body quite well."
I'd touched myself a few nights at the thought of our first encounter in his apartment. Brought myself to the edge of pleasure until I saw stars at the memory of how good he had been with his hands and mouth, how he'd known exactly how to touch me and what positions to put me in to make sure I felt every single inch of him.
There was no way I would ever forget that night.
When I didn't say anything, Elliot moved over to my other breast, continuing his slow and heavenly torcher. "I've already spent hours discovering how to make you come. I know when you're turned on."
He grasped my nipple between his forefinger and thumb then pulled, my sharp intake of breath followed by a quivering moan all the indication he needed to know he was right.
Reaching down, he clasped my wrist and ran my palm over the hard swell at his groin, hidden beneath his slacks. "I'm turned on too, I want this too."
I was so delirious in my desire, I just nodded, unable to form any coherent sentences that would express how much my body hummed to the tune he was singing, how badly I craved the release I knew he could provide.
A salacious smile slid on his mouth, "How do you want this, Juliette?"
His tongue curved around my name as he planted more feverish kisses along my jaw and back down my neck.
I mewled in response, my hands finding the collar of his shirt just so I had something to hold onto. If I hadn't, I would surly have fainted.
"Rough." I practically begged, shocking myself.
I want this rough.
What a revelation.
But it wasn't a lie, I needed an outlet and an excuse to let out some of the frustration the aggravating man in front of me had caused since I'd met him.
"Rough, huh?" Elliot jumped up from the seat and got to his feet, pulling me up behind him. "I can do rough."
I stumbled into his back, but remained upright as he spun me round so my back landed on the soft padding of the bed. The movement was sudden and exciting, a giggle escaping from my lungs as Elliot towered over me, both his hands hung in the loops of his belt.
He looked hungry, ravenous even, as his blistering stare soaked in every inch of my body below him. A twinge of pride in my chest at the fact I had made him look at me that way.
"Take off your clothes Juliette."
Finally.
My fingers flew to the buttons of my blouse, eagerly making quick work of each one.
"Slowly." He warned, undoing his belt with ease.
I couldn't explain it, but that simple action of him unclipping the buckle and sliding the leather over his hip was the sexiest thing I'd ever seen.
I slowed down my pace, but only by a fraction, until my bare chest was exposed to the chilly air of the room. He let out a low hum of appreciation as he stripped off his own shirt and let it fall to the floor.
His toned and taunt body never ceased to amaze me; perfect caramel skin moulded into a physic the gods would be jealous of.
We both worked on our trousers next, then underwear, until we were gloriously naked and watching each other in silence.
I instinctively brought my hands to my navel, a burn of self-consciousness peeking through the lust. Elliot prowled forward in response, moving my arms away and holding them down into the bed either side of me.
"Don't hide from me, I want to see all of you."
And he did, his wanton gaze drunk in every drop of my skin until his eyes found the junction of my thighs. With a steady hand, he reached down and ran his finger along my sex, his thumb finding the sensitive spot of my clitoris.
He hissed out a breath between his teeth, "Fuck Jewel, you are so wet."
It was the first time I'd heard him use my nickname.
It sounded dirty and forbidden on his lips, it made my back arch off the bed and push further into his palm as the pad of his thumb circled my clit, the feeling consuming me completely.
"Shit."
Elliot's curse set me upright on the bed in seconds, his faced creased in frustration as he removed his hand from me to push his hair out of his face.
A finger of fear poked at my stomach. "What's wrong?"
My fragile ego couldn't handle rejection at this point, we were too far gone, I was too needy.
His eyes flickered down to the floor, "I didn't bring any fucking condoms."
Oh, thank god!
"It's okay." My fear abided. "I'm on the pill."
All the tension released itself from Elliot's body as he leaned down, placing a hand under both of my knees so he could pull be further off of the bed. "Thank fuck for that."
The tip of his cock rested on my entrance, teasing me, as his hands remained steadfast on my legs. I could hear my own breath, ready and ragged as I anticipated the release my body so desperately craved.
All of a sudden, Elliot flipped me on to my front, so my face was pushed down into the comforter.
"Remember Juliette," His voice was clear and controlled, the master of his universe – and now mine, in this moment at least. "You asked for this rough."
Then, he plunged into me, his cock buried to the hilt as I had no choice but to adjust quickly around him.
After the shock and spike of dull pain, all that was left was exquisite pleasure as he started his relenting rhythm.
Each slam forward sent me further up the bed, my body rippling as it matched him stroke for stroke.
When Elliot reached out for a hand full of my hair, pulling my head back so he could fuck me deeper, my eyes rolled to the back of my head.
I needed this, more than I cared to admit.
Clinging on to the sensation for as long as possible, I fought off the growing ache at my core, hoping I could stay suspended in the relenting pleasure of his cock filling me perfectly.
Elliot's breaths were sharp and ragged, matching my own. His own equilibrium lost as he grabbed my arse cheek, burying his fingers into the soft flesh to the point of pain.
"Come, I need you to fucking come." he growled as his hips flexed.
His desperate words were my undoing.
I shattered beneath him, gargling the sound of my climax into the quilt as Elliot sent one last strong thrust into me, stilling when he found his own release.
The moment was heaven bound, I never wanted to come back down.