When a car crash claims the lives of their partners, Ezra and Imani are left reeling as they discover their loved ones died while holding hands. With accusations of an affair and betrayal flying, they're thrown together into grief and anger. Ezra's...
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8
Imani
I know what they say about loss. It sucks. It hurts, that it will eventually get better, but it's been days now, and I don't think I can see better. I can't sleep. I can't eat well. Everything seems dull, devoid of colour and taste, as if a part of me has vanished. I feel dead, yet I'm alive. My mind is chaotic, my body shivers, and even under a warm duvet, I'm still consumed by a chilling emptiness. It's as if I'm constantly submerged in an icy lake.
Penny hasn't left my side; she's always there, except when she steps out for errands. I want to tell her that I don't need her to watch over me, but the words never surface because the comfort of not being alone is reassuring, knowing there's someone by my side.
As I wake up in the hotel room, where I've barely managed to sleep for more than five hours, I feel it all. There's pain, a throbbing headache, and numbness. Lately, I find myself surviving on shallow breaths, as if I can't exhale properly. I'm always breathless, constantly trying to catch my breath and release it, but it never seems quite enough. It almost terrifies me to wake up from sleep because I'll have to confront the reality of losing Tyler and the consequences of falling in love with someone and imagining forever with them.
It's been days, and the pain should have lessened, but it feels as raw as the day I learned of his death. Waking up in a bed that isn't mine should offer some respite, yet I find myself curled up on the mattress, burying my face in my knees because I can't bear it any longer. Each time I shift on the bed, it's a cruel reminder that the other side will forever remain empty and cold. It sends shudders through my body in sobs. I feel like I've shed countless tears these past few days, on the verge of emptying them all, but it never happens. They continue to fall, harder and longer. My eyes are red and sunken, my throat aches when I speak, and my face is swollen.
Each time I cry, I feel worse when it's supposed to make me feel better. With every tear, I imagine Tyler, his strong arms pulling me close, whispering in my ear. They say grief can drive you to the brink of madness, and I've become ensnared in that limbo between sanity and insanity. My mind is always loud, and I'm tired. I'm so fucking tired. I have no strength left inside me. My world has faded, turning colour into grey.
The gaping void in my chest throbs, its pain coursing through every nerve in my body, tearing me apart. It's as if my body is a vacant shell, and I sense it every moment I'm alive, every moment I'm unable to grasp my own soul, wondering if it left with Tyler, floating endlessly through the air.
Alone in the room, I rise and head for a shower, hoping it might alleviate the frostbitten feeling on my skin. Under the shower, I stand alone, the water merging with the tears rolling down my eyes. The cascading water can't wash away the ache in my heart as I grip my chest, haunted by echoes of Tyler's laughter in the bathroom, as if his ghost has followed me here. I press my forehead against the tiles, my trembling fingers tracing their pattern, struggling to breathe so I don't forget to. I turn my head, and there's Tyler's smiling face staring back at me. He lifts his hand, trailing it from my nose to my lips, then cups my cheek. I reach out to touch him, but he vanishes.
