Kissed By The Moon

EPILOGUE: Filling in the Gaps

Even whilst my reason for being was unconscious in the hospital. Not a single tear fell. I felt all the suddenness, bitterness and madness, but I had no outlet. I couldn't cry. I felt I didn't deserve such reprieve. That is, until the third day of my rounds of condolences. When I came to the final family. Well, not really a family, but the widow of Zach Wesson. I dreaded this visit, that's why I did it last. Because I was friends with Zach. Because I had wanted to kill him the 2 times he had fought Charlotte. Because he was never afraid to fight me. It challenged him, and he wanted to become the best warrior. He could have been. I would have made him head warrior even. But he had died protecting his mate in battle, and she had remained to live with the pain.

"I've wanted to die since that day." She had told me after I had given her the medal to honour Zach.

"I've thought about doing it every day. I am in pain. My wolf is in pain and there isn't enough strength in either of us to heal the other." There was a silence that I felt I had to fill but I didn't know how. Charlotte was in hospital. Barely alive, but alive nonetheless, and I was still in a pit of despair.

Even though there was hope for me, I was still aggrieved, so I couldn't imagine a hopeless situation such as Lexy's. She stood on the other side of my fear, because she knew what it felt like to lose a mate, where I could only imagine it and hope against it. In hindsight, I should have probably been more careful in how I dealt with her, but maybe it was the familiarity since she was an old friend, or maybe it was my psychological exhaustion that made it hard for me to hold back from asking. Whatever it is that we want to blame or give credit to, I still asked an unravelling question.

"So, what stops you?" I had asked her regretfully. She hadn't responded immediately, and I was too ashamed of the question to even apologise for it. We sat in silence for a moment. For longer than a moment, before she finally answered.

"Because he died," was how she had begun. "I was pinned down, with a whole hoard of these rogues attacking me, and he ran in to save me. He fought them off only for as long as it took for me to run off. I thought he'd been following behind me, but when I heard his screams, I stopped. He wasn't screaming for help. He was screaming for me to keep running. To go! Go! Go! And so, I have to live. Because he died, I have to live. I have to make it worth it for him. I have to honour him and it all just fucking sucks Amari!" That's when she started to cry.

I remember when we were children. There was a rogue attack at Grey Valley. The same attack that killed Charlotte's father. We sent warriors to assist. Our pack suffered two tragedies, and both of them were Lexy's parents. That's how we became friends. I felt so bad about it that I visited her at the orphanage at least once a week. She cried every time I was there for six months until one day I went to see her and she didn't cry. I thought she was starting to feel better but she had told me she felt even worse but unfortunately, she had run out of tears to cry. And I hadn't seen her cry since.

Through anything, through everything Lexy did not cry. She wasn't even crying when I had come to see her. But when she started crying again, for the first time in over 10 years, I felt everything intensely and all at once. I hadn't intended to cry. I had only intended to give her a comforting hug, like I did when we were kids. But when I touched her, it was as if her grief ignited mine and I broke down.

"I'm so sorry Lexy. I'm so sorry this happened. I'm so very sorry!" that's what I said over and over, and it was as if the flood gates had been opened.

I cried about every little thing leading up to this moment. I cried that my friend who I rescued and loved, hated and betrayed me. I cried that my trainer, who had been my friend and support during the most vulnerable times of my life had turned around to become a villain. I cried because Blue Moon had been an ally that was too far for us to pay much attention to, and so, their Alpha could secretly work against us. I cried for the 37 people who died needlessly, but heroically, protecting me and this pack from a psychopath. I cried for their families who had to be brave. I cried for Lexy, who cried for Zach and her parents. I cried because this poor girl had every good thing taken from her prematurely.