Longing for Something Sweet (txs) (gxg)

Chapter 14

I walked through the day with this dragging weight attached to my ankle. Despite my best efforts to get over the nightmare that left me disturbed this morning I couldn't help but think about it.

Constantly my sisters innocent eyes roam rampant in my mind. Her pleas for help. I know that shes not happy, even now.

My mothers lifeless dull eyes fade in and out of my conciousness between the different bells ring. I get through the day with minimal effort. Melody found comfort in my silence during lunch, instead making idle conversation with the boys that sit across from us.

Daniel actually engaged in conversation, they talked about their plans for college. While I instead thought about the past. Some days it was like that.

Today seemed to be one of those days. When all of my class periods flew by, finally I was making my way to the only room that gave me hope.

On the right there her door was, and as I entered I put on the mask that I tried to have on all day, though securing it more firmly in her presence. At her chair she sat quietly, her eyes scrolling her computer monitor until my footsteps give me away before I can.

Her eyes greet mine and a smile glows on her face " Nice to see that your eyes aren't red this time" she jokes and I can't help but feel my lips turn up at how she easily fills the silence. " And it looks as though you got resonable sleep." I counter, but blush a little recalling last night's events.

I make my way closer to her, taking my normal spot. " Are you okay? " her words come out as a shock. I was trying harder with her and still just like that she sees though my walls.

" Just dandy" I say in a sarcastic tone, she can't help but roll her eyes " Mhm, if you were so fine and dandy, you would be able to keep eye contact. " she smiles standing up.

I roll my eyes sitting down on the desk behind me " Ms. Willow I think your seeing things " I giggle biting my inner cheek.

" Oh but I see everything, I'm like a wise elder, all seeing y'know? " she says in a jokey tone " you mean the really old kind? Like the wrinkly old guys like Yoda and Master Shifu" she can't help but laugh " hey now don't do my man Yoda like that" she warns.

I smile. She sits on top of the desk across from me, " okay joking out of the way, what's up? " she says her head cocked to the side, all adorable like a puppy. I roll my eyes again " careful they might get stuck" again I can't help but smile as my eyes reach her. " I'm just kinda stuck in my head I guess. " I finally say. My eyes staring off into the distance. " you always are" I can swear I hear her mumble. But I decide against it and continue.

" I keep thinking about my sister. " I say gathering the courage to speak. It's always been hard for me to talk about my problems, I often lied in order to keep people from worrying about me. Yet some part of me couldnt just lie to her. When I did she could tell anyways. Though she never really calls me out.

" Disassociating? " she questions pulling me out of my staring match with the tile floor, " yeah sorry" I say slightly embarrassed. " it's okay" she reassures. " do you wanna talk about it? " She asks and I hesitate to answer " I don't know. " something I answer with often.

" I think it might help. " she offers, and I think for a moment before caving " Okay. " I can see a flash of victory cross her eyes. I'm also very stubborn so any victory from me agreeing really is a win.

" I had a nightmare. " I say, and she nods as if to get me to continue. " I have nightmares about leaving her. " I say not really wanting to recall the contents of this one too much.

" what happens in your nightmares? " she questions, and I can feel apart of myself hesitate yet still the voice in my head quitens as I say out loud what only has stayed in my head. " They're usually about her getting abused. Or her getting taken from me, having to fight for her" I say still lost in space as I speak. Almost as if I feel like I'm not present then it's not true.