Fate ~ A Hunter x Hunter After Story

Chapter 20 ~ Grief

Killua PoV

Beep...Beep... The life support machine that's attached to Gon beeped continuously. By this time, Kurapika, Leorio, Alluka' and Kalluto were already up and totally recovered, however Gon is still in a coma. Nanika has exorcised his Nen contract already, but he still won't wake up. What if he never wakes up again? All of this would never happen if I wasn't so weak to get myself captured. Why? Why do I always have to bring trouble and pain to others? Maybe I'm better off dead.

I left Gon's room and slowly climbed up to the hospital's roof. I sat near the edge, with my feet dangling down it's edge. I looked down and saw that I was at least 30 stories above, this should be able to kill me, right? No one would be saddened by my deaths, since I'd only cause trouble and pain to them when I'm alive. They'll just think the trouble is finally gone.
As I yanked my feet off the building, I suddenly felt someone's arms tightly hugging me, and my shoulder became wet.

It was Gon.

'Gon! You...you're awake!' I cried in surprise.

'Why? Why are you killing yourself again? Didn't I ask you to not to throw tour life away? So why?' Gon asked in disbelief as tears gushed out his eyes.

'You wouldn't understand.' I tried to push him away.

'Tell me!' Gon insisted and I finally gave in.

'Do you know how painful it is to know that you're the one who caused all the pain? If I haven't been so weak that I was kidnapped, none of you would get injured! You wouldn't be so close to death's doorstep! None of this would have happened! It's all my fault! I'm a monster that only brings pain. So please just... let me die, cause I won't be able to case you pain in the afterworld. So let me go!'

'No! I won't let you go!' Gon firmly gripped me from behind. 'I know how you're feeling, trust me! Remember NGL, where I made my first Nen contract to avenge Kite? I made it, not knowing that it would hurt you so badly. After we parted, I felt really guilty of my actions and for a long time I thought of myself as a monster, just like you now. Multiple times I wanted to throw myself off a cliff, but every time I tried the image of a saddened Mito san would flood into my head and I'd stop myself. It wasn't until you sent Alluka to me that I finally thought through Even if I had hurt people, they don't always think of what I did to hurt them instead they thought of how I helped them, like how I helped Kurapika avenge his clan, gave Alluka a temporarily home, and saved you from being a heartless assassin without free will, that's what Alluka told me. The same applies to you! You saved Alluka from being locked up forever, you saved my life after the contract, you saved millions of innocent lives being taken by killing Milluki1 You're not a monster, Killua, you're a hero, I want you to understand that.' Hearing this my eyes welled up with tears. Does everyone not regard me as a monster too?

Are...are you sure?' I asked doubtfully.

'Positive. You're an amazing person, Killua.' I blushed uncontrollably.

'Anyways, let the past stay in the past, and let's focus on the future, okay?'

'Eh? What do you mean by that?'

'Everything that's been holding us back, the incident at NGL, the fight with Illumi, you killing yourself, let's all put them in the past, okay? They've already happened, and nothing's going to change the past, so let's put them back and focus on building a happy future, okay?'

'Yeah!' I half cried, half smiled.

'Now, after that's settled, would you mind getting your feet off the edge of the hospital? I fear that you'd fall off.'

'Geez! You're so overprotective!' I groaned as I hefted both of my legs off the edge.

'How can I not be, since you just tried to throw yourself off a couple of minutes ago? Anyways, let's go see the others.'

'Fine by me. Donn's tell them what I tried to do though.'

'Oh! The one about...KILLUA WAS TRYING TO JUMP OFF A BUILDING A FEW MINUTES AGO?' Gon shouted to the others as we entered the hospital room he's been for the past few days.

'GON!'  I yelled as Gon playfully ran away. I groaned as the others all started running towards me.

This is going to be a long day...