destined (max verstappen)

forty three

24th December:

I think there comes a point in time where you think something is fundamentally wrong with you, and then it turns out it's just Friday and you haven't washed your hair in three days and maybe you're also just a little lonely and the combination of all those three things is whittling a hole into your chest every time you breathe.

But then also the suns up, and I've survived everything so far, so I will survive this too, even if it hurts, even if I regret doing it, the whole world was attacking me for saying no and I couldn't even blame them. I was attacking myself for the same exact reason, I'm an idiot.

"Look liv, I know it's not looking good at the moment but you are still healing from the things you didn't deserve with Adam," Daniel comforted, "and that's okay."

"Exactly," Heidi agreed "It makes sense that you wouldn't want to get into an engagement all over again, it's a lot and you haven't had the best of luck so far. Keep going."

Since I'd flown straight out to Australia, Daniel and Heidi weren't far behind as we had plans to spend Christmas out there. It's funny to the world that Christmas time in Australia is essentially the start of our summer, "I know, I know." I told them retreating back to my room, well Danny's spare bedroom.

Sighing to myself I picked up my phone, the one I'd been avoiding did the past few days due to the obscene amount of hate I had received, I hadn't touched any form of social media, "You have one unheard message, first unheard message sent yesterday at seven fifteen pm." My voicemail sounded.

I clicked on the message from the unknown number slightly curious, "Hey, what's up kiddo. I'm kinda glad I went in the voicemail so you can really listen to this whenever you want um. I know life sucks sometimes I mean I saw it in your eyes on tv that you're struggling with the battles you are facing mentally and apparently physically. Honestly livvy I am proud of you, and if nobody has told you today, this week, I am so proud of you. I'm proud of you for getting the justice you deserve from Adam and rejecting max if it's to prioritise your own happiness at the moment. I'm proud of you for not giving up, you have something, like, listen to me you have something, the strength it takes for you to keep on going proves, it proves you have something here. It proves you are a warrior. So do me a favour, listen, do me a favour, take a hot shower, get some water, put on your favourite clothes, make the room dark, put on your favourite show, and try to relax kiddo. Everything is going to work out. I'm proud of you, I'm not mad, and I love you."

dad.

My father, he's such a complicated man that has made me cry so many times, but this was something else entirely. I hadn't spoken to him in months, maybe even a year, "Daniel, did you call my dad?" I called out from my room waiting for a reply.

"No." He called back from the room over. My dad had always been present in my life, he took me to school most days, he helped with my homework he was a good dad to me. Just not a good husband to my mum, and for that alone I had to hate him.

I can't believe my mum and I fell for the same trap, history truly does repeat itself.

I thought he'd be angry he wasn't invited to my wedding, that I had kept him out of my life, but I guess if he was that interested he would have called me, texted me, asked Daniel even. Not that it wasn't broadcasted on social media everywhere, which is how I'm going to assume he knows all about my business now.

"Oh dad.." I sighed into the phone, deleting the voicemail with a heavy heart. I want to forgive him, for cheating on my mother, but I can't. I will never forgive Adam for that and having experienced it myself I can never allow him back into my life.

At the moment everything is just piling up, the fashion show, Adam arguing with my lawyers and his lawyers, max proposing, Adeline being annoyed at me, the whole fucking world hating on me. It's a lot to deal with. I'm drowning in the chaos of my own issues.

I don't even know if max has called or texted, I can't look at my phone for more than thirty seconds without feeling physically and mentally overwhelmed, hence why I have been staying with Daniel and Heidi who protect me from the real world as best as they can.

It goes without saying the consequences of my own actions have hurt Daniel too, would max and Danny ever be okay again? I have publicly humiliated him, I don't think I can forgive myself for that let alone Max forgive me.

—————-

"There's something about a barbecue... a long break. This is what I needed." Daniel smiled up at the sky, the air was hot today, the official starting of summer had dawned. Although it had been on and off rainfall today, more than we had seen in a while.

I hadn't left my room since the voicemail which I still haven't properly registered, "Hm." I nodded playing around with the stuff on my plate, it was so humid that a storm was bound to happen in a few hours.

"How's the fashion show planning going liv? Keeping your mind off of it?" Heidi asked, I was very grateful for the both of them. They hadn't even asked me why I said no to the proposal.

"I'm thinking of not doing it this year." I admitted putting my fork down, it was only lunch time and I already was desperate to be in bed.

"What?" Daniel asked, "You've done it every year, I mean you've never had more attention at the boutique."

I nodded but went on to explain, "Yeah, true, but I'm not really in the mindset for it... maybe next year."

We were all silent, painfully silent as nobody knew quite what to say. I felt bad, they were tiptoeing around me scared that I would break down like I had on the flight home, I tapped my fingers on the side of the table, "Do you think I should have said yes..?"

Daniels all knowing look gave me his answer, he had told me multiple times since kicking the shit out of Adam that all he wanted was for me to be 'happier' and if that meant with max so be it. He missed my smile and my laughter and apparently max was the one who brought it out of me.

The doors to the garden that we were sat in suddenly opened, ""I uh, I couldn't stay away. I've wanted to. But I just can't..."