Unconditional Hate

Ch. 4 | Lonely days.

Zandra

For the record, I did sleep tight. If tossing and turning all morning meant sleeping. 

I sighed, giving up the fight in me and sat upright as I mindlessly scrolled through my phone. My hangover was killing me but I would never turn down some mind-numbing phone staring. All I had to do was stare and move my thumbs to discover the world. What better work could I have on a Saturday evening anyway? 

Never mind that. I could have done so many better tasks, like maybe taking a nice warm bubble bath, doing some sort of yoga, maybe making some breakfast, or maybe anything that involved the movement of my limbs.

I pity myself and the way I live. It's honestly kind of sad.

As if on cue, Mae walked into my bedroom with bags under her eyes "Got Chinese takeout?"

"You know I do," I said as I smudged my eyes and threw my phone on the mattress.

Cold Chinese food had been the only way to cure our horrible hangover since high school- yes it was underage drinking, but who cares the alcohol would've reached our system one day or the other right? 

We'd tried it all from dipping our heads into ice-cold water to drinking hot soups, but nothing had worked better than a big ol' Chinese takeout tucked in the corner of the fridge from the other night. Since then we'd always order some the night we left for clubs or any sort of drinking party and store it in the fridge. I'd done the same last night. 

Mae had slept in the guest room. She was too wasted to go back home alone last night so maybe she crashed at mine. 

I could hardly walk the other night- or should I say this morning- let alone go along with Mae to her house. It would be absurd. Two drunk girls wandering the streets at four in the morning. Anyone could've taken advantage of it. That's the whole point River dropped us at my house at the time, or so I thought.

I shoved thoughts of River as soon as they popped up. I'd reached my limit of tolerating the thoughts of him and well...him in general.

"Mmm, pizza could never!" Mae moaned as she slurped the noodles.

"Mhmm," I said with a mouthful of dumplings, too hungry to respond with proper words.

Mae eyed me. I tried to ignore her stare but it just crept under my skin. I knew what she was gonna say, she didn't need to say it but I knew she would. I couldn't take it anymore.

"What?" I turned to her.

"Nothing, just looking" she shrugged.

"No. You're giving me that look" I pointed at her judgmental face.

"What look?" 

"That." I let my finger hang in there for a second before I held the chopsticks and popped a dumpling in my mouth.

She signed, sipping on some coke "It's just...are you ok after last night?"

I paused mid-chewing. I saw this coming from a mile away yet...I was speechless. I didn't know how I felt. I didn't mind people touching me but after last night... The look in that fuckers eyes when he'd got a hold of me. It was sickening. My stomach churned as I tried to avoid, and failed, the trembling in my fingers.

"Pft! I'm fine," I dragged it as much as I could.

"Stop putting on a show Z!" she accused.

"What show? I'm not putting on a show!" I shrugged.

She glared right into my soul and crossed her arms around her waist implying that she was dead serious. I shuffled and sat upright.

"What's done is done," I refused to look into her eyes as I spoke with a voice foreign to myself. "He was just a creepy, old-ass dude who was desperate for sex" I looked at my trembling hands trying to control my uneasy breath. "He got what he deserved and let's not make this a bigger fuss than it already is," I said, still refraining to look at her.