LEV PETROV (Wild Men Series #3) Book 2

Chapter 6

TW: This chapter contains depression, suicidal thoughts and attempts, and self-harm that may be harmful and disturbing to some readers. Proceed with caution. DISCRETION IS ADVISED.

BREE

MY BIGGEST mistake is breathing fire in my neck. Apparently, he has a name- Lev. I loathe that man with passion and anything that represents him.

"I hate you so much," galit na tinabig ko ang mga boteng nakita sa ibabaw ng magarang vanity counter.

Hagis dito, hagis roon ang ginawa ko. Wala rin akong pake kung panay ang sigaw ni Lev sa labas ng banyo. Ang alam ko lang, I need to expel this anger.

Nang mapagod, a trembling breath left my mouth kasabay ng pagdausdos ng katawan ko sa malamig na dingding ng banyo. The place was like me, a mess. I don't know kung kanino ako mas mamumuhi. Kay Lev for being the fucked up psycho that he is and ignoring my boundaries.

O, sa sarili ko? Dahil sa kabila ng trauma at pandidiring nararamdaman ko, may kapiranggot na boses sa loob ko ang nagsasabing gusto ko ang pinagsaluhan namin kanina ng asawa.Ramdam ko pa rin ang haplos at halik ng asawa. His touch lingers on my skin like a brand. It's like a white-hot knife was piercing every inch of my skin. I don't know whether I hate it or like it. I'm confused and conflicted.

Ang tanging alam ko lang, buong pagkatao ko ngayon nasasaktan. The pain was all-consuming, so intense it made me paralyzed.

Hindi ko na napigilan pa ang paghagulgol. I hugged both of my knees, ibinaon ko roon ang mukha. Masaganang dumaloy ang luhang kanina ko pa pinipigil. My heart is pounding wildly against my chest. I am shaking like a leaf and my teeth started to chatter.

"F-fuck..." Estranghero sa pandinig ko ang sariling tinig. I swear I could even hear the sound my muscles were creating as I choked on my tears.

I inhale and exhale just like the way I practiced with Dakila. I screw my eyes shut and shake my head. Hell, I'll do anything just to shake off the panic that crashed me without a warning. Ilang beses kong pilit na kinalma ang sarili but to no avail.

This was by far the worst episode I've experienced. Typically, the alarm will disappear after a few minutes. But this night it proved that whenever my husband is involved, I am back to square one.

Dinakot ko ang naninikip na dibdib, I blinked several times and shook my head to erase the revulsion that's seeping through my veins. Unti-unting gumapang ang pandidiri sa loob ko, it made my stomach churns. Kinuskos ko ang magkabilang braso, umaasang maiibsan noon ang nararamdaman. Pero mas lalo lang iyong lumala. The disgust and hatred consumed me from the inside out.

I am back to my old, filthy, and broken self. Scared to be touched. In an instant, I'm plagued by those horrific scenes.

The drink. The numbness and the dizziness that followed. The ripping of my clothes. A shrilling sound that was trapped in my throat. Their sadistic laughs.

Blood... Rivers of it that cover my thigh and lower body.

The ferocious waves, me standing at the gates of my doom, and the finality I felt when my body hit the vast ocean.

My screams...the loathing, and then the soul-shattering pain.

The deafening silence.

I'm in an endless nightmare. Tila sirang plaka ang lahat. I'm drowning in my own sorrow. From trauma. What a way to perish from this shitty place? Fate must really hate me.

"N-no..."

The next thing I knew, my hands were clawing my throat. I was grasping for air and barely breathing. Naparalisa ang buong katawan ko. My head is already spinning and black dots started to appear at the back of my eyes.