Chapter Five

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Hours later, I wake from my stupor. The rising sun casts exaggerated, elongated shadows through the screened windows and the sound of the television--long faded into the background--stands out to me as actual words instead of muffled rumbles. I hadn't slept all night, rather lay awake trapped in the realm between wakefulness and numbness. I rub my eyes and stand up from the couch. Instantly my legs collapse beneath me as pins and needles travel up through my shins, and I fall back onto the cushions again. I wish I could say I was tired, but I'm too nervous to feel anything.

"How long have you been out here?" Matthew's low voice drifts towards me from the hallway. I tug my useless legs towards me, gasping shortly in pain. He joins me on the couch.

"All night. I couldn't sleep."

"I couldn't either," he admits around a yawn. "Are you ready for today?"

I shrug. Part of me desperately wants to take action, while another, smaller part begs me to remain here, where I know I will be safe and comfortable.

"Have you seen your mother?" He asks. I shake my head.

"She's still sleeping. Well, she is if she isn't outside for a breath of air."

"Or a nice morning stroll."

"Or a jog in the park."

We dissolve into a bit of laughter, and I press my forehead into his shoulder, taking a couple deep breaths to steady myself. His skin smells sweet and heavy. I close my eyes.

"Do you think we're going to live through this?" I mutter. Matthew sighs and lowers his forehead to my own.

"How can you ask something like that?"

"Because our chances of failure are so large." The edges of his hazel eyes turn upwards as he smiles.

"Why am I hearing this from the girl who escaped her Graduation Ceremony without a scratch? The girl who infiltrated the Pillar?" He swallows. "The girl who risked her life to spare mine?"

"Maybe that girl is gone. Maybe she's changed."

"I don't think so." He whispers, shaking his head a little. I lift my chin and we kiss. Slowly, carefully, as if someone may be watching even though we know we're all alone. I force myself to pull away, because if I didn't then I don't think I ever would. He makes me feel warm and safe and... good. But I can't feel that way. Not now, when there is so much resting on our courage and still-mindedness. I brush down my stained white t-shirt, even though there's nothing on it.

"I guess I'll prepare our last meal," I say, not knowing how else to excuse myself. Matthew sits up straighter and stares at the floor as I stand and make my way towards the kitchen.

* * *

"We have to be there in thirty minutes," my mom states matter-of-factly. The dying scent of fruit and peanut butter wafts towards us from the kitchen. "We'd better leave now."

I still can't get used to the long, scratchy fabric of my grandmother's clothes. Matthew had suggested that I wear something less recognizable than the Training Facility's uniform. After digging through piles of my grandma's old clothes, I finally found a long-sleeved sweater and some jeans that fit me. If only they were comfortable.

"Are you sure we won't need to bring anything else with us?" Matthew asks, eyeing the closet.

"If you are implying that we bring the gun, then absolutely not." My mother states sharply. I catch his eye then quickly look away, amused. Little does my mother know about Matthew hiding the weapon on his person.

"It's time," she mumbles, glancing at her watch. "Let's go." Before I get the chance to take a final glance at my old home, I'm rushed out the door and into the cold, hard morning air. The breath in my lungs freezes for a moment as I fight to adapt to my new surroundings. It's been over a week since I'd last been outside. Brick- and steel-walled buildings tower up towards the clouds in all directions. I feel extremely uneasy and vulnerable: we're in the clear path of a potential bomb.

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