Behind The Limelight

Epilogue

"Are you sure about this?" Ryker asked. The two of them were in the limo, seconds away from walking on the red carpet.

Ashton hadn't felt this nervous in a long time. He was sweating, he wiped his palms on his pants as he tried to take in long, deep breaths. Ryker kept his hand on Ashton's thigh, squeezing it reassuringly.

"Seriously, Ash, you don't have to do anything. I really am fine with things the way that they are right now," Ryker said, meaning every word. Ashton shook his head rapidly, but he couldn't get any words out of his lips. His mouth was dry and his throat felt constricted.

All Ashton could think about was the blinding lights and flashes that were going to bombard them the moment they step out of the car. The screaming, the questions, the comments... People chanting their names, reporters yelling out their ridiculous theories in order to find some new gossip, posing for pictures and smiling even when their jaw starts to ache.

Normally, all of this didn't bother Ashton. The red carpet was his second home. But then again, he never had to make such a big reveal before. He had walked with past girlfriends, it came so naturally to keep his hand on their waist and kiss their cheek affectionately for pictures. But he didn't have any clue about what to do with Ryker. It was so new, so foreign even though they had been dating each other for a while now.

Fuck. Ashton's therapist had hinted that Ashton may not be ready for the public scrutiny yet, but he was so convinced. He really wanted to make Ryker proud, to show him that he loved him and wasn't ashamed of what they had.

But he couldn't.

"I'm sorry," Ashton whispered. He couldn't look at Ryker. He couldn't bear to see the disappointment on his face. He had been so excited the night before, and even while they were getting ready just an hour ago. But Ashton had to ruin it all again, just like he ruined everything.

"Baby," Ryker said softly. "I can already tell that you're beating yourself over this. I swear that it's okay, you don't have to shout your feelings for me from the rooftops to prove that you love me. I know that you do. You show me that every day and I've never doubted you."

"But I... I told you that I would... but I can't... fuck! I just can't stop fucking things up no matter what—"

"Sh," Ryker leant forward to kiss Ashton. Thank fuck for the dark, tinted windows. "I'm not holding this against you. Coming out to the entire world when you're someone with millions of people following what you do...that is not easy, Ash. I understand, trust me I do."

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," Ashton repeated over and over again.

"Say you're sorry again and I'll actually get mad, okay?" Ryker threatened, though he didn't really mean it. He knew Ashton tended to apologize a lot whenever he was anxious, and he would never punish Ashton for it.

"Yeah," Ashton nodded. He closed his eyes shut, focused on his breathing as he held Ryker's hand. "Let's go."

"You good?" Ryker asked, making Ashton nod again.

He wasn't okay, both the men knew it. But they had no other option but to suck it up, put a smile on their faces, walk out the car and wave at the fans.

So that's exactly what they did.

The premiere was a success.

Tabby didn't waste a single opportunity to show off her wedding ring. She and Lee looked like such a power couple, both dressed to the nines as they walked with their heads held high. Ashton couldn't help but feel jealous. He could only wish that he had the guts to be out like them. He knew how hard it was for Tabby, with people constantly making fun of Lee's identity online. But Tabby handled it all with grace, and so did Lee.