A New Reflection

54. Experience It

Mom advised me to enjoy my time with Alex and experience all the emotions along the way. I'm not sure this is what she had in mind.

I text in Spanish, because it feels less mortifying for whatever reason.

¿Está bien si me quedo con Alex en su casa?

She replies a few minutes later, as we're pulling into his driveway.

No tienes que pedir permiso, m'hija. Eres adulta.

She tells me I don't have to ask her permission, but I wish I could interpret the opinion layered under this fact. Does that mean it's no big deal, because I'm an adult and it's normal to sleep over with my boyfriend? Or does she not approve, but she can't tell me because I'm no longer a child?

Enjoy your time with Alex. Be safe, m'hija.

I now wish she would have left it at one text. I'm dying of embarrassment.

Alex guides me inside with a hand on me at all times, and I settle onto the sofa while he prepares snacks in the kitchen. I'm stuffed from everything we ate at the fair, but I guess he is still hungry—or it's the compulsion to serve food to guests in his Latino blood.

He appears in the living room with a serious expression and perches on the edge of the sofa, taking my hands.

"Should I open a bottle of wine?"

"Um..." My heart is pounding.

"I'm joking!" He cracks up and hops off the sofa, bringing a tray of fruit and sandwiches from the kitchen.

"You're a jerk."

"Just trying to help you relax. With jokes, I meant! Not with wine." He plops back onto the couch, causing me to practically topple over into him. "You probably never tasted alcohol before, have you?"

There's an awkward pause, and I clear my throat. "Uh, I have." Have we really never discussed this? We haven't, because most of my nights drinking correlate to make-out sessions with boys at college, and that certainly hasn't been a topic of discussion this summer.

"Nati!" He's smirking at me, intrigued. "Wow, I didn't realize."

"That's how I gained so much confidence, was through drinking." It sounds like a joke, but it's not exactly. As soon as it's out of my mouth, I realize the potential connotations of what I've just said, given the present circumstances. "I mean, confidence talking with people and opening up."

Alex is dying of laughter next to me. He then turns more serious. "Did you kiss a lot of guys? How far have you gone?"

"No! Just kissing. I mean, yes I kissed a lot of guys, but it was just for fun." I bury my face in my hands. Alex peels my sweaty palms off my cheeks and holds them in his.

"Do you drink?" I ask him.

"Nah, not really anymore. Yeah, in the past, sure. Too much during my eighteen to twenty year range. I have to be careful, with my family history. Seeing that shit with my brother in person really freaked me the fuck out, Nati."

I wrap my hands around his torso, and he stays in my embrace for several seconds. As we move apart, he turns on the TV to play some music.

"Do you mind if I take a quick shower? I feel like I smell. I was sweating like a pig at the fair."

"Like your pig friend from the barn?" I tease, giggling.

He grins in the way that I love so much, showing no trace of self-consciousness over the fun being poked at his expense, merely amusement.