A New Reflection

29. First Kiss

Three days later, on a Monday, I find myself back in the basement of the science building at 9:00pm playing foosball with Joshua.

We don't acknowledge the hand-holding that took place the last time we participated in this activity together, nor the long hug in Tryon. In fact, Joshua's communication style gives me no indication whatsoever that he is romantically interested in me. My mind flashes to several different guys (aside from Joshua) who had their hands and eyes on me at some point during Friday night's dance, but the difference was that all of them had been drinking, and none of that was real.

"So how's your week going so far?" he asks me as we locate the tiny white ball tucked into the pocket of the table. I genuinely love our mundane conversations.

"Great!" I say. "I started playing intramural volleyball last night. How's your new job going?"

He tells me about the internship he recently began in downtown Portland—something related to politics, and that is as much as my brain absorbs. I don't want to ask too many questions, because I worry I'll find out something about his political beliefs that will disappoint me.

After Joshua beats me in the first game of foosball, I throw off my sweatshirt. I have my favorite pair of jeans on, and I can't help but notice his eyes flicker over me for an instant before he looks away. Removing my phone from my back pocket and dropping it over the sweatshirt, I notice I have a notification from Canvas and snatch it right back up.

"Hang on!" I exclaim to Joshua, revved up and uninhibited from the combination of exercise and the confidence boost at having caught him checking me out. "I think this is my history essay grade. I've gotta see this..."

Clicking into the gradebook, I discover I have received an A on the paper and a very complimentary comment about the organization of ideas and quality of writing.

"Hmph," I mutter, tossing my phone down after a brief scan over Professor Ezzo's comments.

"Good news or bad news?" Joshua asks, eyebrows raised.

"Good news," I reply smugly. "The professor was so condescending when I shared my outline with him. It was obvious he thought I had no idea what I was doing, but I did." I smile at Joshua, allowing contentment to sparkle from my eyes into his.

"That's weak sauce!" he exclaims. His expressions are so funny. "It's lame when professors try to knock down our confidence just because they can. That's pretty much the status quo in the Poli-Sci department."

"Seriously?" I ask. "That's so unnecessary. People perform better when treated with respect and care."

"Maybe," he offers. "Although some people need a little kick in the pants."

"Eh, I don't know," I ponder. "Maybe it depends on personality."

I think back to Brett from my Inventing America seminar and how I was glad to see his confidence knocked down a peg after our first exam. "Everyone is just insecure though, and the most arrogant people are the most insecure, so is cutting down their confidence really helpful, ultimately?"

Joshua shrugs, and I laugh.

"Anyway, we're getting deep here," I remark with sarcasm. "Let's play again! I need revenge."

"No way!" he shoots back.

Normally I am very competitive in games, but tonight I feel giddy and unfocused; my brain fails to fire the correct messages to my hands to slide the rod in the accurate directions. We both become animated, trash talking each other in good humor. It's amazing to let loose with another person, especially being so far away from my family for the first time in my life.