A New Reflection

55. Grey Area

"Buenos días, preciosa."

It's a lovely way to wake up, except my sticky body and morning breath feel gross.

"We slept the whole night in a hug," he informs me softly, hovering over me on the bed before planting a kiss on my cheek.

"I know." I smile. "That's adorable."

"I made coffee. Do you drink coffee?"

"Not really, but sometimes." I'm such a child. "Can I take a shower?"

"Of course." A shadow of mischief crosses his face. "Can I join you?"

"You're very persistent."

"Yes." He flashes me a dimpled smile. "Is that a yes, then?"

"Mmm, okay." I blush. "But I want to brush my teeth."

It turns out showering with Alex is "fun," as he alluded to last night, as well as other things. We end up back in his bed, and on this third go-around, I sink into our emotional connection and attempt to let go of my fear. The physical discomfort begins to vanish, replaced by a sensation that builds until it explodes into glitter fireworks.

Lying in his arms afterwards, the roller coaster rush subsiding, my world starts to hurdle into an unending abyss as it dawns on me that I'm returning to college in three weeks. My eyes jolt open.

"I'm starving," Alex declares.

We prepare a simple breakfast of fruit, toast and eggs. I could get used to fixing breakfast in Alex's kitchen. It is both foreign and familiar, as well as too adult. Only weeks ago, I was shooting back vodka with Isla and volleying Joshua in ping pong without a net, mentally ping ponging between him and his roommate.

"What was your favorite part of the fair?" Alex asks, grounding me back in reality and offering a convenient reminder that he, too, is still half-child.

"You snorting at the pig."

With no fanfare or hesitation, Alex oinks one time, then carries on the conversation. I can't contain my laughter.

"I liked the magic show. And the Ferris wheel. Look at this picture." He pulls out his phone and shows me a selfie of us at the top of the ride.

"We look so happy!"

"Of course we look happy. Don't you remember the kiss right before I took this photo?" He pretends to fan himself.

"Stop it." I roll my eyes, though I'm the opposite of irritated, and I feel my lips stretch into a bursting grin.

We devour our breakfast. I taste the coffee, but it's bitter even with the heaping spoonful of sugar and quarter cup of milk Alex mixes into it.

As we move to the sofa, I can sense the mood changing as if a blue sheet of ice is spreading across the room.

"When do you go back to school?"

We have yet to broach this topic with details such as dates.

"Mid-August."

"Hm." He sighs, tapping his foot restlessly against the hardwood floor. "There are some words I'd like to say to you, but... I'm a little nervous to say them with the future uncertain for us."

"What words?" I have an inkling, but I wouldn't dare presume.

"I think you know the ones. There are three of them and they express deep feelings of the heart. They were alluded to by the boy at the fair holding a giant Pikachu."

I love his ability to turn heavy, intimate moments into misty puffs of humor.

"You already told me that once."