A New Reflection

14. Half-Eaten Pear

Nati, are you okay?

I'm already in bed, every body part aching from practice, the most exhausted muscles being my brain and heart.

Yeah, I'm okay. Thanks for asking.

I'm still not used to Alex texting me, and I don't understand what it means. But in this moment, it's exactly the comfort I didn't know I needed. For some reason, I haven't even told my parents about what occurred at school and volleyball practice earlier today. I'm certain I will fill them in tomorrow, but it's too much for my soul to relive the details again tonight.

Good, is Alex's simple reply.

I decide to be brave.

What about you? You were so mad.

After storming out of the gym, Alex had returned five minutes later and finished practice as if nothing had happened. Ariya filled in Steve about the argument, and Steve had basically told us to compartmentalize our feelings and focus on volleyball. Beck left practice early, which our coach was not at all happy about.

Yeah, I'm fine. Those comments really got to me.

I might get fired, he adds.

My heart constricts as if wrapped in tight rubber bands.

What?

A wave of too many emotions crushes me, and the screen in front of my face becomes immediately blurry as water pools in my eyes.

Steve says I didn't react professionally.

Part of me wants to laugh as I recall the boomeranging volleyball veering towards Beck. It wasn't actually that close to hitting her, but the look of panic on Alex's face was priceless.

You reacted like a human being who has emotions and doesn't approve of racism.

There's a short pause.

Yeah. Thanks Nati.

Then he sends a blue heart and a white heart—our team colors—and my universe implodes.

* * *

When I arrive for our game the next afternoon, Alex is nowhere to be seen, though this is normal given it's quite early. Still, my eyes scan and rescan the gym, as if I've just missed him hiding behind a volleyball pole or camouflaged into the tangle of colorful sidelines.

I take my place on the bleachers next to Kathy, Shelly and Ariya, who have already arrived for the JV game.

"I heard Steve called Beck and chewed her out for leaving practice early and for what she said to us yesterday," Ariya informs me, by way of greeting.

"Really?" I manage.

Several others from our team arrive, and Ariya drops the topic, for which I am thankful. I just want to move on.

"Natalia, are you coming tonight?" Kelsey asks me. We have a team gathering at her house after today's match–a "bonding" activity. I wish I were looking forward to it, but to be honest, I would much rather head straight home to relax.

"Yes," I reply in typical one-word fashion.

As we watch the JV girls play, I'm clutching a paper lunch bag that's inside my gym bag and making mental calculations.

When a few of the girls stroll out of the gym in between sets, I slide the paper sack out and awkwardly move it towards Shelly.

"Could you give this to Holly, please?"