The 1 Rule - haobin

unfair

"They're definitely dating," Gunwook says, pointing at Taerae who is laughing with Gyuvin, slapping his arm slightly.

"Gunwook, don't say that..." I say, taking a small and quick glance at Ricky, who is eating peacefully, blocking the sound of the world around him.

"Why? They certainly look like it to me" Matthew says, joining in on the conversation. I take another glance at Ricky, and he continues to seem unphased by the sudden comments of the boy he likes. 

"I didn't even notice when they got so close. Maybe they were dating in private?" Jiwoong says. I look at him and shake my head, panicking slightly

"No way. You know that Gyuvin would have already told us" I say

"I mean, it definitely looks like something is going on..." Cho says, and so, the nonstop talk about Gyuvin and Taerae dating does not come to an end. I sigh and look away, trying not to look at Ricky. I wonder how he feels right now. 

I look around the cafeteria aimlessly, not looking for something specific. I've never come to look at the faces of the people that I don't know. I've never come to have an interest in anyone other than my friends unless they approach me. And so here I am, looking at faces I've never looked straight at. I see a bunch of students passing here and there in a blur, some feeling my stare and looking back at me. But even if they look back, I don't remember their faces. They're all people that I never knew and that I probably will never know. They're people who I have passed by for years but never knew, and one day, when I go to university, I won't remember these people who were insignificant to me, but whom I still saw many hours of each day. They're people that probably have things happening to them as well. Maybe people with family problems, or people whose birthdays are tomorrow. Do they also have problems with affection, like me? Or problems of one-sided love like Ricky?

It's scary. What if all these blurred faces are going through something rough, and need help? What if they don't have anyone to be there for them, and to support them? All of these people, faces that I will never bother to know, and are probably going through so much pain. I bet it feels horrible.

I look at all of these people, and only one face stands out. There, in a cafeteria table filled with more students than it should support, in the middle, is Zhang Hao. Now that I think about it, he probably knows all of these blurred faces. He probably knows all of their problems. He's probably always there to help them. He probably gets calls every day from boys and girls crying, venting all of their problems to him. He probably gets calls every day from girls and boys celebrating, happy about a vacation they are going on, or people who are proud because of a good grade they got. But, even among that crowd of people, all wanting to talk to him, he's always the odd one out. He probably knows everyone, but do they bother to know him at all? Obviously not. Do they know that it's all an act? Obviously not.

And right now is one of the moments that I think to myself, life is so unfair.

I wonder, how does Hao feel? What does he really think under all that perfect act? Does he hate the people that are talking to him right now? Maybe he does. Maybe he wishes that they could all just leave him, leave the world. After all, they are the ones that are causing him so much pain. Everyone is, for sure. Even he is.

What is behind that perfect and boring smile? Have any of those people seen his real smile at all? I bet they haven't. I have. And it is one of the least boring smiles in this world. It's refreshing, in a sort of way. I just wish that Hao could show that smile to the world, without having to keep up with that perfect act of his. Is this what he meant when he said that he regrets changing his personality? Is behind that perfect smile, a lot of pain? I bet there is.

"Hanbin?" I hear Cho say, tapping me on the shoulder

"Hm?" I mumble back, my mind still half-engulfed in my thoughts

"You're staring," Cho says. I look at her, snapping out of anything, and only focused on her

"Huh? What do you mean? What am I staring at?" I say, panic overwhelming me. She caught me staring at Hao, didn't she?

"Jeez calm down. Don't worry about it"

"Oh ok- wait what? Really? I thought you would get mad! Please don't misunderstand!" I say, my full body turned completely toward her. I really hope that she didn't misunderstand anything. What if she's faking not being mad, though?

"I said don't worry about it," She says, laughing. I sigh in relief but hold my breath as she stands up

"W-where are you going?"

"Getting you a doughnut, silly. You were looking at them all dreamy-like. You should have just asked me to get some for you!" she says, smiling broadly, finding me amusing. I look back at her, bewildered

"Huh-? Oh! Yeah! I really, really, crave doughnuts right now" I say, chuckling nervously. Cho nods, patting my back, and walking away. I look at her from the back, half expecting her to suddenly turn around and run back to me, and punch me as strongly as she can. When she doesn't I let out a sigh of relief, but it pauses for a second. Thoughts pausing and then flowing back to my mind. There, a few cafeteria tables away, is the perfect Zhang Hao.

Looking at me. 

♡♡♡

AHHHHHHHHCDCVGHI I LOVE THIS CHAPTER. NO CUZ I DIDN'T EXPECT IT TO BE THIS GOOD??????!!!????????

I swear that I do a better job in writing when I have very little time lmao. 

Also, for the people who haven't already read my message on my profile, I probably won't be updating until next Thursday-Friday. I'm so sorry, but I have been super busy since yesterday, and I know that the next few days will be even worse. I promise to update by Thursday or by Friday. Please trust me! And again, I'm so sorry! 

Also, please tell me if you enjoyed the chapter!

(non k-pop related, but listen to 'loving you girl' by peder elias and hkeem)