Rise of The Fallen (unedited Version) (COMPLETED)

chapter 29

"Okay, not gonna lie- that was kinda hot…" she muttered and my eyes moved back to her face. My entire body was pulsing with energy and my instincts had nearly taken over as I hovered over the small creature before me. Luckily I had a good hold over such feelings and could keep myself in check to avoid hurting her.

Those hazel eyes moved downwards and I followed the female's gaze only to become self conscious about my erection peeking out from underneath my leathers. I haven't forgotten the first time she witnessed my shaft, how angry and disgusted she was by it. And of course once more I've failed to hide that displeasing part of myself from her eyes.

I turned my head away with a growl and ran a hand over my face. I messed up,  again. What was I thinking? She's disgusted by me, why would she ever consider me a potential mate?! Why would such thoughts even occur within my mind! She is a human! How could I court a human?! 

There's so many things wrong with such a thought that seemed to completely evade my consciousness till now. We are not the same. Being mated to her would be looked down upon by all and will only cause harm for both of us. Not to mention she's repulsed by my appearance and gets angry any time my body becomes aroused!

I jumped to my feet rectilinear from her as I grabbed at my hair frustrated and turned away to hide myself from her eyes so she would not have to look at me. 

How could I be so foolish! Letting myself become entranced by her. i-i shouldn't even be here. I shouldn't even be around her, around a human. I should be back within my den crafting weapons or tools! I was so blinded by all these strange feelings I obtained in her presence that I forgot what I am…

The weight and memory of losing ratha to talok came baring down On me all at once as dread and shame seeped into my very soul. I'm a failure. A worthless male who lost his chance at having a mate. All I could imagine was Kora looking at me with the same disgust and shame as Ratha did. She didn't want me! How could she want someone like me?! Was I simply using kora as an excuse to drown out everything that has happened?! Am I really so pathetic?

A soft small hand grasped my own and I snapped back to reality for a moment looking back to the small female before me. Her face was twisted into worry, not disgust like I had expected. 

"Who hurt you?" Her question was so simple yet I did not know how to answer. No one had recently done me harm physically and a part of me knew that wasn't what she was asking.

Unable to answer her question I turned my head away in shame, I didn't want her to see me so weak, so pathetic. 

"El." Her hands grasped my face firmly as she turned my head to look at her once more. Her beautiful hazel eyes bore into me making me feel helpless. I hated it. I hated this feeling, I hated being so weak. 

"I'm a pathetic excuse for a male… all this time I have been using you to make myself feel better." Kora wasn't weak or frail. She did not NEED someone to protect her and care for her. She was capable of doing that all on her own. I could see it in her eyes each time we scavenged for food together or when I showed her something new. 

She lacked the knowledge to survive out here in the forest, not the strength. And yet here I was believing I needed to care for and protect her, like I was something more than- than this. 

I grit my teeth forcing my gaze down to the floor unable to meet her eyes. "I'm sorry. I didn't know-" I choked on the words and grabbed at my hair, pulling it taunt, I was ready to tear out every Strang from my head after what I did.

"Stop it." Kora's feminine voice spoke up sternly. He grabbed hold of both my hands and pulled them away from my head making me face her once more. "I don't know what it is that you are beating yourself up for but stop it."