FLAMES: Of Revenge And Love

39. LOVE

" Go. And don't you dare trouble her. Okay? " Mom nodded, this was a surprise, I had thought she'll protest, as she's the one most punctual about my wife's sleep schedule.
" Yeah Mom. " My brother nodded like a good son, as if, and turned to my wife.

" Let's go bhabhi. "
" Where? " She asked him.
" A date. "
Smack. Well deserved, it should've been me but Mom would do for now. This idiot had no filter on his mouth, utter nonsense that's what leave his mouth.

" I'm kidding mom. There's no need to be so violent. "
Mom ignored him and turned to her, " He has a friend, and he wanted to introduce him to you. "

" Why? " Yes, that's what I want to ask. Why should she meet his friends, but I can't interrupt, not only because it'll change the relaxed atmosphere of the room but also because I know they're doing it for her.

" Well bhabhi, he likes computers and I might've blabbered about how good you're at it. And well after seeing one of the codes you designed for Rajveer, he's been eating my ears off to meet you. Please don't reject me. "
How the hell does he know that she knows computers?

" How did you see it? "
" Umm, well.. " Fumbling with his words as if he's made who knows what trouble, I was about to intervene when Mom answered for him.

" He went to Aastha ji's house last week, and spent the whole day there. " Last week, when we were in Paris. To think of it, it was just a week ago, my wife was smiling, giggling, enjoying and I had to destroy it all.

My wife nodded before asking Rudra, " Oh. Then what does this friend of yours do? "
" Web designing. "
" I don't like that. " Her distaste was visible from the scrunch of her nose.

" Huh! Okay. " At Least this idiot has the sense to not force her but I guess I overestimated my brother. " But please bhabhi for 10 minutes, he thinks I'm bragging. "

" Then let him think that. "
" Bhabhi please. " He kneeled at her side and even though I couldn't see his expression from my position I knew he must've made that horrible face he makes whenever he tries to be pitiful.

I was sure it was going to traumatise my wife, and I was right as she looked away from him and replied with a sigh, " Okay. "

" I'll go and get my phone. " She said while getting up and I had to leave, it's not that I'm avoiding her but it's just not the right time for a conversation.

I cook for her, we have our meals together, we sleep together but I still haven't gathered enough courage to broach that topic again.

Even the thought of it scares me, my mind inevitably imagines the possibilities of what if I hadn't met her at her wedding or what if her fiance hadn't backed off or what if I met her too late.

And all these just make me want to shut my brain out and pretend it never happened. But problems don't just disappear because we want them to, rather they grow the longer we ignore them, and I don't want them in our relationship.

We'll talk and it'll be soon.

I was about to leave after her when Mom called me, " Abhi, come here. "

" What's wrong Mom? " I asked her, I knew what was wrong but I wasn't ready to address it.

" Isn't that what I should be asking? " She said and gestured for me to follow her to the couch.

She sat and patted beside her but I didn't want to sit there, If I do then I'll be the grown up Abhimanyu, who has responsibilities but I don't want to be like that now. I want to be the child Abhimanyu, who needs her mother's comfort because he's scared.

So I knelt before her and laid my head on her lap.
" Is everything okay? " Her hand went to my hair just as her question replaced the silence of the room.

" I'm scared Mom. "
" Of what? "
" What if she leaves? "
" Haven't you realised it by now? "
" Realised what Mom? "
" She loves you more than you do. "
" Huh? "

My head snapped towards her, I was up from her lap, looking straight at her as she said,
" You might love her with a part of your heart as some of it belongs to us too. But she, she loves you with all of her heart, and we're in there because you're there. We just receive a fleck of love from the whole she has for you. You on the other hand, you have all of it without her having to do anything. Haven't you noticed, she's breathing for you. She's living for you. You don't reside in her heart, you are her heart and can a person live without it? No na, then how can she leave you? "

Her words were too similar to what she had told me that day, had I really failed to notice it. I know she loves me, but is it really to the extent Mom is claiming it to be?

As if my doubt was visible on my face she stroked my cheek before continuing,
" I don't know why you refuse to see it, maybe because you think you love her more, but I'll tell you the truth Abhi, you can take your all life, you might've known her before she knew you but still, still you'll only love her less than her."

I was offended by her words, how can she even think that I love her less, but she gave me no chance to speak up.

" I'm not saying that you don't love her enough, you do, you love her more than enough, as there is no enough when it comes to love but her, she knows love because of you. Love exists for her because you do. So how can she love you less? "

I was failing to comprehend her words, for the first time in my life I was having difficulty understanding something my Mom was telling me.

" She's still discovering what love is, the diverse definitions of love, the meaning of it, but no matter what she learns, the only constant that stands is that she's loving because of you. She loves you, and that's the only definition of love for her. "

" But Mom—" She didn't let me complete, as her finger came to my mouth, silencing me.

" Shh.. No buts, I know something happened and that's what's scaring you but you know what scariest is, not talking to the person who is your whole world. You think she failed to notice you standing there, you think she hadn't realised that you're avoiding her. What do you think she felt huh? I don't know what happened Abhi but silence is not always the answer. I don't know what you'll lose if this continues but I do know that she'll lose herself if it does. So just talk bacha, don't keep it inside. You are life partners, you love each other and there's nothing in this world that should stop you from talking to each other. "

As she finished I realised how right she was, I had been so focused on giving each of us time that I failed to consider her opinion. I failed to understand the words she said to me that day, I failed to realise that this is what she was scared of, my silence. And that's what I did.
I failed, in so many things that I lost count but my wife, my love is living for me, how can I doubt her, she said so herself and I still doubted her.
Shame on me, I don't deserve her.
But she's mine, all mine, just like I'm hers.

And as this thought settled in, the fear gnawing my insides from that day vanished as if it was never there. And I knew there won't be another day when I'll feel it ever again. I'll make sure of that.

" That is why you allowed Rudra to take her. " I asked as I realised her motive behind sending her.

" Or else, why would I make my adhya go with that brat. " She complained as if that brat wasn't her own son.
" Hah.. He'll be upset if he hears you. "

" So be it. That is what he is, I just asked him to take her out and he had to find some work for her. Computer my foot. "

Abhimanyu knew that his brother was smart using that excuse, that was the only thing she'll agree to but hearing his mother berating his brother never feels less satisfactory.