hearing damage | YELLOWJACKETS

nine.

Talia Turner | 1996
Wiskayok, New Jersey

"How have you been Talia?"

Talia can hear the ticks of the clock on the wall behind her. She was also acutely aware of her breathing. Inhale, pause, exhale. That was the rhythm her body was currently suffering as she ponders the question of how she had been.

Truthfully, Talia had been better than she had been since her last therapy session. She'd found an outlet with Lottie. A sense of normality. She found that there were more days that she loved Taissa than she hated her. She'd also been accepted to the school of her dreams. Things were going well.

A little too well, Talia thinks.

"I've been good," Talia decides to answer. It was the safe option. She doesn't oversell the way things have been going but she doesn't undermine it either. Things were simply good.

"That's good," her therapist, Linda, states, "Have you heard back about college admissions?"

"Yeah, I got into Rutgers, Howard, and NYU."

"And you're going to pick NYU?"

Talia nods her head.

"And how does Taissa feel about that?" Linda asks.

Talia shrugs, "I mean we haven't really talked about it. Taissa got a soccer scholarship to Howard so she'll probably go there."

"And you don't feel the need to follow her?"

"No," Talia responds.

"How have things been between you and Taissa lately?"

Talia doesn't like the line of questioning.

"Things have been fine."

"Just fine?" Linda asks and Talia sighs.

"There are more days where I love Taissa than when I don't," Talia answers. She thought it was a good answer. She loved her sister and all siblings hate each other time and time again. Why did everyone act like her situation with Taissa was any different?

"So, there are still feelings of animosity?"

"No," Talia states, "I mean yes, but it's no different from any other sibling relationship. There are days when I dislike Taissa, I mean she takes the car most of the time most people refer to me as Taissa's sister so yeah, I kind of hate her. But I go to all her games. I hold her when she's upset. I love Taissa, I always have and I always will."

"But this isn't like a normal sibling relationship," Linda states, "Normal siblings don't think that they have to die in order to protect their sibling."

"I was fourteen and I thought that I would be a danger to Taissa," Talia answers, "So I was going to protect the twin that everyone cared about. To me, it had been a logical deduction."

"What you claim is a logical deduction others would claim to be borderline personality disorder."

"My psychiatrist already cleared me," Talia states with a shrug, "And why is it that when it comes to the bad things, I get attention? You know when we were kids, Taissa would sleepwalk? She tried to throw herself down the stairs on several occasions and do you know who saved her each time? Me."

"Well, people grow out of sleepwalking. Jealousy is different."

Talia wonders if Linda is trying to get a reaction out of her, but she's not going to give it. Talia's life was good. She didn't hate Taissa. She had Lottie. She was going to NYU. She didn't care what some bullshit therapist had to say.