hearing damage | YELLOWJACKETS

thirty-seven.

Rosalynn Taylor | 1997
Somewhere in the Wilderness

Rosalynn didn't sleep. She wasn't capable of it since she lost her sister. She'd lie awake, listening to the other girls breathe as she stared at the ceiling. She replayed the evening over and over in her head. Each time she made a different decision that saved Jackie. She'd tell her to come inside, tell the other girls to fuck off. She'd punch Shauna in the nose and hopefully break it. Rosalynn thought a lot about hurting Shauna. Of somehow dragging her in the cold and leaving her there for both her and her baby to freeze. Her thoughts had gotten more violent with time.

Like now. It would be so easy for her to sneak over and just cut Shauna's throat. She'd watch her bleed all over the floor. It would be satisfying. Oh, so satisfying.

Rosalynn looked over at Natalie who was fast asleep beside her. She wondered if killing Shauna would make Natalie look at her any different. It would, Natalie at her core was a good person even though she often felt like she wasn't. She wouldn't even go along with Taissa's plan to hurt Allie.

But Rosalynn could. Rosalynn did. She knew that she wasn't a good person, not like Natalie. And maybe it hadn't been as bad before all of this, but now, now Rosalynn only saw red. She wanted to kill Shauna. It would help their situation greatly. One less mouth to feed. Those were the things that were important to their survival.

Rosalynn spares Natalie another glance before separating herself from Nat and crawling from under the covers. She carefully rose to her feet and looked around to ensure that everyone else was sleeping. She began making her way toward the attic when she noticed that Quinn's spot on the floor was empty. Rosalynn looked around once again and didn't find Quinn anywhere.

She looked at Shauna sleeping on the floor before sighing and redirecting her path to search for Quinn. She headed toward the back of the cabin where she found snow near the back door. She opened it, causing it to squeak and allow a frigid breeze inside.

She stepped outside and looked around, only seeing white. Snow covered everything, even the tree branches were decorated with snow. It was dark which meant that Rosalynn's only light source came from the moon's reflection on the snow.

"Quinn," Rosalynn called out, her voice cracking. She begins to shiver, wishing she'd put on a coat and boots. When she received no response, Rosalynn called out again, "Quinn!"

Rosalynn began to grow worried as she moved from the back of the house toward the side, kicking snow as she went, hoping to not find Quinn buried underneath any as she had her sister. When Rosalynn reached the front of the cabin, she found Quinn sitting there. She was wearing a sweatshirt and sweatpants, but that was all. Her knees were drawn into her chest and there was a blank expression as she stared out at the snow.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Rosalynn asks, "It's fucking freezing out here."

"I know," Quinn responds, but she doesn't move. She doesn't even acknowledge Rosalynn. Quinn had been like this ever since that morning. If Rosalynn was consumed with anger, Quinn was consumed with sorrow. She hardly ate. She slept even less than Rosalynn did. She did her tasks and then she'd just sit quietly, staring.

Rosalynn sighed as she sat down beside Quinn. 

"I should have woken her up," Rosalynn says as she stares at the snow, "I should have dragged her ass back inside. I shouldn't have left her outside. And now she's gone, and I feel like it's my fault. All I had to do was wake her up, why didn't I wake her up!"

Quinn glances over at Rosalynn, "Jackie wasn't going to come back inside. She had a point to prove."

"I know," Rosalynn says softly as she wipes the tear from her face, "Maybe that's why I didn't even waste my breath. But I should have, I mean maybe things would have been different."