hearing damage | YELLOWJACKETS

twenty-four.

Galen, Turner, Taylor | 1996
Somewhere in the Wilderness

Quinn and Jackie end up in the attic of the cabin, which wasn't exactly where Quinn had envisioned their walk ending, but she shrugs it off as she looks around. Quinn notices the carving etched into the floor. She'd heard the other girls talk about it, mainly Lottie, but she'd never paid it any true mind.

"Why do you think he carved this?" Quinn asks as she looks up at Jackie who is standing there, hugging herself.

"No idea," Jackie responds.

Quinn realizes that Jackie doesn't care about the carving or any of the other stuff that seems to fascinate the girls about their new home. Jackie didn't care. Truthfully, Quinn didn't care either, but she at least listened and silently called bullshit.

"So," Quinn says changing the topic, "The creepy attic. What are we doing here? Vandalizing Shauna's journal?"

Jackie snorts and shakes her head, "No, no in fact I don't want to think about Shauna at all."

"I know, but maybe we should talk-"

"Talk about what, Quinn?" Jackie asks, "That my best friend was fucking my boyfriend? Truth is I didn't even like Jeff. He told me he loved me before we left and I didn't say anything back. Or how about that Shauna was making out with you? That I can't blame her for but god I wish I could. Do you know what she wrote in her journal about you?"

Quinn shrugs, "Probably that she hates me and I'm a narcissist and self-absorbed."

"No," Jackie says shaking her head as she lets out a bitter laugh, "That couldn't be the furthest thing from the truth. She said that she might be in love with you. She went into detail about you coming to the soccer games, and going to get ice cream. How you were the only person she wanted to tell about Brown. She couldn't fathom how someone like you wanted her." Jackie chuckles, "And what did she throw it away for? Because she was scared. Because she was scared to be in love with you, she fucks my boyfriend."

Quinn doesn't know how to react to what she's hearing. Shauna had told her repeatedly that she hated her. She did hate her. She didn't want her. As though rejecting Jackie's words, Quinn begins shaking her head, but Jackie nods.

"And I wanted you to be my first," Jackie says, "I want you but I can't even allow myself to act on it because of her. Because even after she's betrayed me, I still feel like you're off limits because I've read her innermost thoughts about you. She loves you and she's too fucking stupid to notice it and allow herself to be loved."

"That has nothing to do with me," Quinn responds, "Shauna may be in love with me but that doesn't mean I'm in love with her."

"It doesn't matter," Jackie says shaking her head as she looks at Quinn, "You are hers."

"I'm not," Quinn says as she steps toward Jackie, "I am yours, okay? You are the girl I used to dream about, not Shauna. You're the girl I had to get over. If you want me, then I want you, Jackie."

Jackie stares at Quinn, "Do you mean that?"

"Of course I do," Quinn responds, but she isn't sure if she's trying to convince Jackie or herself. She wanted Jackie, but she couldn't just let go of the fact that Shauna was in love with her. She was beginning to understand Shauna. She couldn't help but self-sabotage. She gets something good and she has to ruin it. She loves someone and she has to push them away. Shauna didn't mean anything. She just had to push Quinn away.

Jackie stares at Quinn a beat of silence passes. And Quinn thinks. Does knowing the truth change anything for her? Does it change the way she's seen Jackie these last few months? The girl who held her when she would randomly start to cry over her dead parents. The girl who had told her she was perfect.