As it Was | Hange x Reader

Chapter 12: Another Party

It had all been for nothing. All of her hard work, her blood, sweat and tears...it had been for nothing. She hadn't gotten in. (Y/N)'s hands shook slightly as she stared down at her screen. She had been walking down her school's hallway when her phone had buzzed with the notification. The halls were packed with students heading down to lunch, so she had ducked into the library, hoping for peace and quiet.

But all she felt now was grief and emptiness. She hadn't gotten into Sina.

We regret to inform you....

She hated that sentence. She hated the admissions team. She hated her father for putting all that pressure on her. She hated her school. She hated herself. She should have tried harder. She should have put in more effort. Why had she wasted time playing her favorite games or reading her favorite books? Why had she hoped that she was good enough to get in?

Those hours hadn't been enough. Hours of studying and doing homework, and sacrificing her sleep hadn't been enough. She hadn't been enough.

(Y/N)'s vision grew blurry as hot tears filled her eyes. No. No, no. She should have expected this. She should have known that she would never be good enough for Sina University. As she wallowed in her self-pity, (Y/N) realized she was pathetic.

"(Y/N)," a hurried Hange rushed into the library. "I saw you in the hall—even called out to you, but you didn't hear me! Is it the email?"

(Y/N) looked up, her teary eyes meeting Hange's and their face fell. Immediately, they strode to her side, enveloping her in their strong arms. The two were standing in the middle of the library, yet that didn't matter. (Y/N)'s world had practically came crashing around her. She stood still in Hange's arms, trying to piece together a future that had just shattered before her.

To many, getting rejected from your dream college seemed like nothing. It wasn't a big deal. Apply to a different one. There are many opportunities out there, right? But (Y/N) had worked for years with Sina University in mind. It had been her purpose. Her goal. It had been what strove her to get mountains of work done without complaint. With it being gone...what did she have left? What was she supposed to do? Sina had been her way out. It had been her dream.

"Hey," Hange said soothingly, their hand rubbing her head softly. "It's okay. I mean, I know it's not but we can still get past this. We can make another plan together!"

Hange had gotten in. Hange had gotten an acceptance letter. Hange was smart enough to be a student at Sina University.

Perhaps they were better than she could ever be.

"I'm fine," (Y/N) sniffed, pushing away slightly. She rubbed harshly at her eyes, ignoring the immovable lump in her throat. Everything stung. "It's fine. It's ok. I knew I wouldn't have gotten in anyway. The only reason I'm disappointed is the feeble hope I had."

What was she doing? Crying in the library? Pathetic.

She was pathetic. Patheticpatheticpatheticpathetic.

"(Y/N)," Hange whispered, placing their hand on her cheek. "Hey, stop that. I see what you're doing—stop pushing away your emotions. It's okay to feel disappointed. It's only natural."

"Can we get out of here?" (Y/N) asked. She couldn't bear being in the small, stuffy library any longer. She needed air. She needed to get out. And go. Go where? Anywhere, at this point. She could do anything. Well, until her father killed her. Until he screamed at her until his voice grew hoarse, until he reminded her how much of a waste of space she was.