Ruthless Sweetness (SELF PUBLISHED)

#12 DRUNKEN CONFESSIONS

I go over to the space i left my phome charging lastnight and get my phone and sink myself into the couch as i turn it on .

Something doesn't feel right.
Something in my stomach feels strange. my heart is in ignition and i can feel the echoes of my heartbeat in my ears.  Oxygen is getting impossible to inhale if i had to i would be praying to breath right now.

He's here. Iglesias is here.

He's on the other couch facing me with his elbow propped on the couch arm rester ,his fist is supporting his head resting on it , his eyes low as usual, theres a silent fire in his eyes and his face is not betraying any twisted emotion that he might be feelings right now . And hes looking at me. So deeply hes looking at me , and now im starring at him too, his eyes move to my heaving chest and he still have no scannable emotion. His eyes stay there for a while not long before his eyes meet my eyes again,he's not looking away,he knows exactly what he's doing and he's not stopping,hes projecting his torture strategies on me just by looking me in the eye. I force myself to look away but i also pray to god to make him look away but i cant ,he cant ,we cant ,if i dont break this ,no one will. I look down ,i look down to my feet and close my eyes tightly shut,thinking about what just happend.  He looked at me. I looked at him . I showed emotion ,i showed my fear towards him,im naive,im a fucking coward.  

"Elvira. "

No. No no no i dont want to hear him ,thats the first thing i told myself when i fucking decided to come downstairs and liliana warned me and i didnt listen  .  I shake my head not facing him.

"Elvira? Can you hear me"

"I can hear you Iglesias, but i wish i didnt. " i say sharply with no breakings in my voice this time.He's quiet.

I need to get up and leave .
i need to get up and leave.
I need to get up and leave.

The only thing i can have control over right now is my eyes. My legs or my arms not,

get up Elvira,get up right now this is not the time to be a coward.  Get out of his face you hate him remember?

I was saying that i domt want to see his face but i still stared back at him. I disgust myself . I grab my phone before i push myself off the couch with my hands and get up. I got up.
I see the door and the sun creeping om the floor from the doors window. I walk to it swiftly and yank at the handle. It flies open and i get out and the morning breeze hits me hard in my face ,i look around , look at the house ,i hate this house ,its suffocating.  I look aroud again and realize that i have no where to go. No place that i know. I back away till my head huts the wall of the house and i sit down there on the floor,no one can see me ,its a big house with no other houses too close and the streets isnt filled with people. Where is liliana.

IGLESIAS.

I saw her. She was here and i saw her. She was panicing over me for being there infront of her sudden realization rushed through her as soon as she realized that she isn't alone and that im here. Her chest was heaving too fast and she was forcing herself to stop and calm her self. I hated seeing her panic infront of me and not having control over it ,even if i did try to calm her down she would hate me even more. And i dont blame her i am absolute disgusting. Lastnight,was the night when i say her face change and her eyes went dark ,too dark ,there was no sparkle in her eyes anymore,not the way she used to look at me with the spark in her eyes making me feel things i never did before,but now no, i saw tears ,her own tears roll on her beautiful face and i saw her cry before but not like this,it didnt hurt me the way it did now ,it sent a bullet to my heart because i made her cry,i made her angelic eyes shed a tear because of me. Which i promised myself to not do that and i did it.
"I heard you Iglesias and i wish i didn't" Normally me,Iglesias Derek ,i would have said that to the response but this time,i felt something getting torn right out of me ,losing something,losing her. I couldn't say anything back to her , i never felt like this ,no one ever had the courage to talk to me like this.
It hurts. And it was only me ,myself and i who caused this .i simply told her that i cant care about her but what she doesnt know is how much i want to tell her that i care about her , i cant say that i care about her i cant i dont have the power to do it, it doesn't change the fact that i would kill someone who will try hurting her , but now if i killed someone who tries touching her she will shout at me ,she will hate me ,she will ignore me,and thats what shes doing right now,ignoring me and i cant resist it ,ot makes me do things that i shouldn't. Things that would scare her to death
I force myself to stay calm , i force myself not to run after her when i saw her run outside,i got a war in my mind.  I throw my head back and shut my eyes closed tightly and run my hands on my my face,and sigh. I exhale and my chest trembles as it falls back to place.  I can feel the tensions in my the back if ny head and my eyes,last night ,i haven't slept,i couldn't sleep,after what i just witnessed,i coulnd't sleep, i stayed up all night ,thinking ,breaking all the glasses from my night stand, i didnt dare to sleep knowing she wont be next to me ,waiting fir her to come in the room ,even praying,knowing she wont come back in bed,looking over to the side she used to sleep.
I never sleot this long the way i used to sleep when she was by my side.
It stopped lastnight,i hated the idea of falling asleep and wake up to a new day.