All That We Held Dear - YiZhan (COMPLETED)

EXTRAS - Neither Right Nor Wrong

Big Sur, California - October 5

The sunset, with its explosion of reds, oranges, and purples, had long faded from the sky, leaving behind a black canvas for the waning moon to illuminate the chilly autumn night.  Yibo's friends, a ragtag bunch of people he'd met when he'd started learning to surf following his second surgery, sat around the fire enjoying each other's company.  For a while, he'd joined the lively chatter and even sung along to songs they'd patiently taught him as the elder of their group and their de facto leader, accompanied them with his banged-up yet faithful guitar. 

Yibo had managed to keep himself distracted long enough to forget everything and truly lose himself in the joy of the moment, but a lull in the entertainment had caused him to check his phone and reminded him of the date.  His mind suddenly overcast, he'd excused himself to go to the bathroom, but, his business done, he'd gone and sat on a large piece of driftwood far enough from his friends to afford him some privacy.  There, for the first time since his arrival the previous day, he allowed himself to think of him.

From the moment he'd set foot in the United States, Yibo had been busy with a slew of medical appointments and procedures.  Then, he had followed a strict regimen of rehabilitation that had consumed him completely, leaving him too spent to think of anything else but the immediacy of his healing body.  Before he knew it, he'd grown accustomed to this new yet familiar state of busyness and had gradually grown increasingly fearful of poking the sleeping beast that was his recent past with Xiao Zhan. And so, it was no surprise that the moment he'd recovered enough to work, he'd accepted almost every offer to the delight of his manager's American counterpart. 

Although Yibo had known even then that this tactic could only last so long before, he had allowed himself to indulge in this borrowed peace of mind and convinced himself that it was just another way to create enough mental space for him to analyze everything that had happened objectively.  As the saying went, "Time heals all wounds" and all that.

Unfortunately, the moment he'd slowed down and found himself alone with his thoughts, Yibo had been forced to reconcile with the fact that temporarily closing the door on the raging fire of his painful emotions and ignoring it had in no way diminished its intensity. He hadn't gained any clarity, nor had the "right decision" become more apparent. With no obvious path forward, Yibo's heart had turned into a metronome, his resolve moving back and forth between calling Xiao Zhan to pick up the broken pieces and erasing all traces of the man to move on with his life without him.  This had left him anxious and emotionally drained.

Luckily, this had also coincided with the moment he'd felt physically strong enough to try and learn to surf properly. At first, despite all the rehabilitation he'd done, Yibo had found himself unable to stand on the board for very long — if at all — and, after having drunk his fair share of seawater, he'd often left the beach in a state of such frustration that he'd vow never to return. Of course, being stubborn meant that he'd kept showing up in spite of the anger, but paired with his determination had also been a desire to prove to his instructor, Ray — an Australian man in his late forties who had long ago made California his home — that he wasn't a quitter.

To be fair, he'd disliked the man at first; he was unyielding and kept making Yibo go back into the water even when he wanted nothing more than to go home.  Not to mention that when he wasn't calling him "mate," he was calling him "Yee-bow" despite Yibo repeatedly teaching him the proper pronunciation of his name.  For a while at the beginning, he'd even considered requesting a different instructor. However, this had changed the day he'd shown up at the beach unannounced, a work engagement having fallen through. Suddenly able to observe Ray from an outsider's point of view, he'd seen how the man treated his other students.  Up until that point, he hadn't paid much attention to the people learning alongside him since focusing on himself was already more than he could handle, but that late afternoon, sitting on the beach, he'd been able to see how the man treated each of his students differently according to their specific needs and personalities. After watching for a while, he'd concluded that Ray was amazing at reading people and wondered if he'd been tough on him because he'd sensed that Yibo needed it.  It was as though, somehow, the man had perceived the turmoil of his mind and tired him just enough to allow him a good night of sleep.  From that moment on, he'd come to truly appreciate Ray and embraced his new English moniker; mispronunciation be damned.