All That We Held Dear - YiZhan (COMPLETED)

Arc V - Better This Way - Part 12

Back when Yibo had started being friendlier to him and shown some interest, Xiao Zhan hadn't really thought much of it. He'd liked the youth well enough and had enjoyed spending time with him on set. Then, as they'd gotten closer and he'd started suspecting that there might be more to Yibo's feelings than just friendship, Xiao Zhan had been flattered but told himself that this was just a boyish crush and that it would pass with time. However, with "the incident" and then their never acknowledged first kiss, he'd slowly come to realize that he was developing feelings for Yibo, too. In hindsight, Xiao Zhan could see that he'd always been a step behind, warily following the man's lead for fear of getting hurt. He should have realized that he actually loved Yibo much earlier than he had. However, he'd been scared of misinterpreting the man's feelings, so he'd waited for him to take the first steps. Of course, that didn't mean he hadn't fantasized about Yibo confessing his feelings to him. He'd done so countless times. He hadn't believed it would be in some romantic way — he knew the man better than that — but he'd thought he might say it casually with one of his gorgeous smiles. Save for some variations in the setting, Xiao Zhan had always imagined that he would confess matter-of-factly and in a way that would make him feel like this was no big deal but just putting words to something that they knew had long been there.

Never could Xiao Zhan have imagined that hearing Yibo say "I love you," the one thing he'd longed for with all his heart and for so long, would cause him excruciating pain rather than boundless joy. And so, because they cut him to the quick, the words, instead of melting away the remainder of his meagre defences as they should have, grounded him back into the reality of his sad purpose.

"I love you, Ge," repeated Yibo with more strength, unaware that every time he said it, he caused Xiao Zhan's heart to bleed.

Xiao Zhan shut his eyes tightly. He tried to take a deep breath but struggled. The pain in his stomach was unbearable. He needed to end this now.

He tried to pull his hand away, but Yibo tightened his grip and, letting the scarf fall to the floor, he used his other hand to hold him more securely.

"I love you, and I know you love me."

I do. So much. Please. Please don't remind me.

Xiao Zhan's mind reeled with the man's renewed attack. Why was it that every time he regrouped, Yibo immediately managed to find the chink in his armour?

Xiao Zhan forced himself to look up and face him. Yibo's eyes met his. His brow was still furrowed with worry, but his gaze was warm and soft. Why did he have to be so goddamned perfect?

"How can you know that..." He asked in a reedy voice. He couldn't bring himself to finish the sentence and say, "I love you." If he did, he knew that he would immediately be defeated.

Yibo appeared to have wanted him to ask the question, and although his eyes were still red and teary, he seemed to have gained a little more confidence.

"Because of everything I just said but also because I know what happened between us before the accident."

Xiao Zhan's heart skipped a beat, and a shiver ran through his entire body.

"Did... Did you recover your memory?" He asked, hopeful.

If Yibo remembered, then he wouldn't have to continue with this charade. Auntie Wang's request wouldn't have any ground to stand on, and he would be free to tell Yibo everything that had happened. Was this the diving intervention he'd been praying for?

Yibo shook his head, and with this trivial gesture, he extinguished the tiny spark of joy in Xiao Zhan's heart. His eyes prickled.

"I don't. But you remember the girl at the hospital? Hyeri?"