Gold Dust Woman- Lip Gallagher

wedding

"That is he," Diana said.

Carl and Blake walked into the kitchen and put a fish in the microwave, causing all of us to give them astounded looks. 

"What?"

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While the boys went to the local church, the girls and I went to Sheila's for the dress.

"You don't have to go too crazy here, Sheila, but as close to Vera Wang as you can get," V said.

"You are going to make a beautiful bride," Sheila smiled.

"She's right," I said.

"Aw, Sheila. You're making me feel like Cinderella."

"Screw Cinderella," Karen said, "Little doe-eyed bitch. Probably one of the worst role models for little girls."

I rolled my eyes.

"Oh my god, I hate Cinderella. I'm so different," I said in a mocking tone, making Karen lower her eyes at me.

"I think Cinderella was a feminist," Sheila said. 

"The whole idea of marriage is a useless vestige of an archaic civilization," Karen said.

"How would you know?" Debbie said.

"I watched one unravel," she said, looking at her mother.

"That doesn't prove anything," Diana scoffed.

"In olden times, marriage was nothing more than a legal exchange of a woman for property," Karen replied. 

I fake yawned and blinked, "Sorry. I fell asleep when you said olden times because it's as irrelevant as your opinion."

"Yeah, maybe you're being a little pessimistic," Fiona said, agreeing with me.

"It's just a piece of paper!"

"Jesus, Christ. Sorry, some people aren't fun sponges and like the idea of weddings and celebrating with friends," Diana said, "Oh, right. I forgot. Who are your friends again?"

I high-fived Diana as Karen defeatedly looked back at her paper. Even Fiona was hiding a laugh. Diana and Mayo, 2, Karen, -5. 

"Alright. Let's talk bachelorette party," V said.

"Oh, I got that covered, don't worry," Fi said.

"Oh, you better," V said before breaking into song, causing all of us to dance, "Cause we gon be doin' it."

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V's bachelorette party was insane. The four of us went to a strip club, pole danced, and got totally wasted. I had like two drinks, though. Ok, maybe three, or four. I don't know to be honest. 

We walked back, laughing our asses off about the acrobat on the pole when we ran into Frank who was wearing an afro and had a cord wrapped around his waist with a rope attached.

"Dad, what the hell happened to you?" Fiona said.

"Cord was too long. Got three nuts. Gonna die," he said all while not stopping.

We all looked at each other and burst out laughing. I don't remember anything after that until I puked in the bathroom the next morning. 

"You ok there, babes?" Fi said. I looked over and saw Fiona and Lip looking over at me.

"Lip, you got something on your forehead," I said before throwing up again, "I think I'm still drunk."

"Take care of her. I need to talk to V about something important," she said.