Her Secret Father

Chapter 15- I Just Want Her Back

 Chapter 15- I Just Want Her Back

I didn't leave Isaiah's room until visiting hours were over. Although I feel bad that I didn't give his family alone time with him, I don't think I would take it back if I had the chance. His heart monitor remained at a constant the whole time I was there and I think that's the scariest part; he didn't get any better or any worse. If I close my eyes now, 24 hours later, I can still hear his steady heartbeat and as I sleep, it is the only thing I hear. For the first time since I began my career, I called off work. I couldn't handle going into work with Brooky's screams filling my ears.

I don't even blame the other driver, not at all. I blame myself completely. At least once a day I imagine what would have happened had I not been on the road that day. We were on our way to Berkley's house for the night, the skies were sunny and clear; a perfect day. Brooky was in her green and pink Tinkerbell car seat in the back seat of my 1996 Lexus singing along to the music playing in her little head. She had her favorite baby doll in her arms and a small packet of fruit snacks resting in her lap. For a split second I glanced in my rear view mirror and when I focused my eyes back on the road there was a truck coming at me full speed. Brooky must have seen the truck too because she began screaming as loud as her little lungs allowed her to. I swerved to the right to try and get out of the way but ended up getting hit on my side, luckily Brooky's seat was opposite of mine. It didn't do us any good though. My window shattered causing glass shards to lodge themselves into anything they could. My abdomen was full of them; some so deep they punctured my stomach. That happens to be the reason I get the stomach pains. A few of the shards hit Brooky, one in her eye and another in her left ear. She died soon after. The driver of the truck survived with the loss of sight in his left eye and some scratches and bruises. To this day I'm not sure how the truck got into my lane or why the driver lost control of his brakes but he did and now Brooky is gone. There is only me to blame though; maybe if I was paying attention I could have moved out of the way in time. Brooklyn Riya Donavan was my baby girl and she died at age 3. She would be 5 in two months.

"Blair! Snap out of it! What's wrong?" Brayden had insisted on coming over to make sure I was okay. He is such a sweet guy.

"I'm fine, Brayden. Could you take me to Kylah's house? I really need to talk to her." I distantly replied. I was having trouble focusing on things.

"You can talk to me." Maybe it was just me but it sounded as if he was getting snippy. I was too lazy to look up from my lap though to see if his tone of voice matched the look on his face

"No, I really can't. Please take me to Kylah's. I'm not in any shape to drive. It would be greatly appreciated, hun." Another traitor tear escaped from the corner of my eye and made it half way down my cheek before I swiped at angrily.

I heard him sigh angrily before he grabbed his keys off the end table next to the couch I was sitting on. He gently took both of my small hands in his, despite his previous anger, kissed my forehead and pulled me onto my feet. "Let's go then, little lady."

Despite my melancholy mood, I rolled my eyes at the nickname. I trailed behind him to my door where I quickly slipped on a pair of flats and then proceeded to follow him out the door to his car, all the while still holding his hand in mine. As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t remember the car ride to Kylah’s house. I do know that he kissed my cheek before leaving though; it felt safe. For once in my life I felt safe.

Currently, I was curled up on Kylah’s living room couch, not responding to the real world. I was stuck in the past…again. I felt the scream forming in the pit of my stomach, the same scream I let free when I found out Brook was gone. The world was a living nightmare constantly replaying the day I lost Brook. Sooner or later I was going to shatter and no one will be able to fix me. The scream ripped its way through my throat before I could hold it back. Not even a minute after I screamed there were arms wrapped around me. Kylah’s scent wrapped itself around me, sheltering me from the painful memories. Sobs wracked through my body and tears fell from my eyes without warning. I couldn’t stop them; it was as if the flood gates had been broken.