Sorry I'm late (5SOS)

Chapter 46

Second therapy session. I ran out of the last one, what makes this time any better? Because I'm going back to my old ways before the boys and Charlie came in to my life.

I slipped on a random sleeveless band shirt, my black jeans and some black shoes. I tied my short now blonde hair in to two plaits and Luke's grey beanie on to my head.

I heard them all talking about me round the table.

''I think she's coming..shush'' I kept quiet to see if they would continue talking again.

''Anyway, we need to find a way to help her go back to being happy. Otherwise this looks like she's going through her depression again. We can't have her like that again, it breaks me to see her like that'' I heard Luke speak. My chest tightened. I'm hurting them.

I sat down on the stairs hearing them continue to talk.

"It's not her fault, her heart got smashed. That would be hard on anyone, never mind someone who has suffered from depression in the past. It's my fault her heart is smashed." my heart ached at the sound of Ashton.

I rested my elbows on my knees. My hands covered my face.

''I hate seeing her like this..what if one of us go to her session with her today? Maybe that will help her open up a little more?'' Charlie suggested. If anyone was going with me, it needed to be Charlie. Or Luke. Anyone but Ashton, because I can't even speak to him right now never mind open up how I'm feeling to my therapist while he's in the same room.

I finally found the courage to go down to them, after sitting there for half an hour.

''Morning Al,'' Luke was the first one to speak to me. I simply nodded and grabbed some orange juice pouring myself a glass.

''Listen, Alex, we think one of us should go to your session with you today.'' Calum came up to me, pouring himself a glass of water.

''I know Calum.'' He gave me a confused look.

''I heard what you guys were saying about it all.'' Their eyes widened as they realised I had been listening to every word.

''Al..''

''I need to get ready,'' I rushed off running to my bedroom. This is all I seem to be doing, running away. I sat down on the bed, crying. I lock everybody out so they don't have to see me like this. I know it hurts them but if I let them see me like this it would hurt them even worse.

I changed in to some leggings and a random hoodie which turned out to be Charlie's. I looked in the mirror and sighed. Am I really turning round? Am I really going back to the beginning before they walked in to my life? Luke's already seen me during depression and that wasn't pretty because I knew I was hurting not only me but Luke. He stopped me from killing myself that night..

''Alex, you can be happy again, you know you can. I believe in you. I promise to help you in every way possible, I won't leave your side. You're strong enough to live through this.''

''I don't want to live anymore, Luke. It's not for me, '' I said as I tried to open the bottle of pills.

''No, you're not going anywhere. Not when I can stop it.''

''You can't stop the pain Luke, nobody can! It's too far now to be able to stop. Why did I get called out for this life? I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy!''

''Listen to me, you can get through this Al, I'll be with you every step of the way. I know your parents splitting up was never easy, hell it never is. But just like back then I will never leave your side ok? I'll help you, I'll fix you. I know your depressed , suicidal and I know your not okay. No where near okay..but I won't stop until you are the tiniest bit happy.''