Dear heart || geminifourth

Chapter 10.

The next day when i woke up i didn't feel very well, must be because alarm woke me up for school, i realized i dreamed about Tinn..
Dream was superior, why the fuck did i woke up, i should've continue sleeping.
When will i dream about him again?
Wait, what the fuck does this even mean.. why am i dreaming about him? Why do i want to dream about him? I don't really remember what was the dream about but i only know i dreamed about Tinn.. Nahhh.. This can't be.. This can't be that i like Tinn.

I slapped myself to pull myself together, but even thinking about Tinn made my stomach feel butterflies.. No my mom isn't right.. This can't be, I'm not gay.. IM NOT GAY.

But bro what if i am gay..? how will my mom react? what if she was right this whole time.. no shut up you can't be gay, you fucking can't.

I made myself ready for school, i went to bathroom to change my bandage and to clean my scars, they were healing..
I don't know if i should be happy about it.. but it's kinda making me want them to bleeding again.. no. shut up Gun.
I changed bandage and cleaned my scars, i realized i will be late for school so i hurried up.

I went to store to by myself food, no one was there, oh shit i think im already late.

I runned to my classroom and thankfully teacher still hasn't came.

Win saw me and he walked towards me and hugged me, i hugged him back and Taya walked next to me and hugged me with him. Two people hugging me at the same time, bro this feels so good. Win asked me if im okay and why am i almost late, i told him i will explain to him later. I walked to sit on my place, Tinn was sitting there, he stood up and gave me tight warm hug, and what took me by surprise, he kisses my cheek.

What the fuck, I hugged him back and my stomach was about to exolode. We sat on our places, Tinn was looking at me with big smile. Bro i love his smile. I want him to smile more often while looking at me. Am i making him smile? Oh my God no i will start blushing so hard.

~

- "Yo know Gun, we have exam tomorrow and i wanted to ask you since you're new and i know you need help.. would you like to come to my place and study with me?

~

My face went red, i became dirty minded so quick, WAIT NO SHUT UP HE DIDN'T MEAN THAT NONONO, however i just agreed and he smiled at me, again, i could feel my warm body, i definitely have a crush on him. My mom was right. I will just hide it for now.

Tinn was very strange in class. On Math he was playing with my hand and was holding it, on Thai he was playing with my hair and on Biology he rested his head on my shoulder. Bro i never liked school more, I want to stay in school forever now. When we finished our school Tinn told me to call my mom and told her that i will be at Tinn's house, but ofcourse she didn't respond, i knew she doesn't care but i still had to tell her, what if she's worried?
I went home to look for a mom but she wasn't there, what the fuck am i supposed to do now, Tinn was with me, he told me that he will explain it to my mom, but i didn't want to risk since she already thinks i like Tinn, i mean.. she isn't wrong but she will kill me.
I told him it's better to study in my home but he said he already told his mom that we're gonna come. Bro what am i supposed to do now. I risked it, I mean you only live once.
When we came to his house, his mom was waiting for us in living room, and when i saw her i went speechless. She seemed so familiar but I don't know why. And how the fuck am i seeing her for first time when she is of the director of the school. Nah i should stop questioning I'm overthinking this.

~

- "Hey mom, so this is Gun, you know him i already told you about him."

- "Hi Gun, nice to meet you, I'm Photjanee but you can call me Jane!"

~

My face went blue, i felt sick I'm my stomach.
BRO THAT'S THE WOMAN MY DAD WAS WITH? BUT DIDN'T SHE DIE? WHAT THE FUCK.
Her face went blue too, we both realized it, we were both speechless, we both looked at each other with fear in our eyes.

~

Tinn looked at us confused "You guys know each other?"

- "No honey.. we don't.."

- "Then why are you two looking at each other like that?"

- "We aren't honey.. i think you should go to your room now.."

~

Bro what the fuck just happened, everything makes sense now, she has her own home, family.. BUT HOW IS SHE ALIVE WHEN THEY DIED IN CAR ACCIDENT?
We went to his room, i sat on his bed looking at the floor questioning my life again, i was so confused, i distanced myself, then Tinn grabbed my hand.

~

- "Gun are you even listening to me, what's wrong with you?"

- "Tinn.. i think i need to tell you something very important.."

- "Um.. okay go on tell me?"

- "So your mom.."

- "Yoyoyo watch your mouth about my mom, you better not complain something about her or you will see"

- "Wait, are you threatening me now..?"

- "No the fuck I'm not im just warning you to watch out what you will say"

Then he snapped his fingers, showing me a sign that he was going to beat me if i say something bad about his mom.. But i can't just stay quiet about that..

- "Tinn.. Your mom cheated on you dad-

The next thing i saw what light of Tinn's room, he hit me so hard that I fell on the floor, he grabbed my hands and sat on my stomach, I couldn't do anything.

- "Tinn, please get off me I can't breathe."  I started panicking but i was unable to do anything.

- "Oh so you can't breathe huh?"

Then he grabbed my neck with both of his hands, he say holding it so tight i was unable to breathe for 6 seconds.
Then i used my legs to hit his back, he stopped choking me and I pushed him off of me, causing him to hit his head on the table.

I grabbed my neck, I was in tears i couldn't believe what just happened. Just in time his mother came to my room running to Tinn.

~

- "WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED HERE."

- "Jane, i know you know me.. I think you should explain things to your son, he was about to kill me for telling him the truth."

- "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?"

~

I started crying even harder and left the house. I ran to my home. My mom still wasn't there, I went to my room and looked myself at the mirror, my neck was full of marks and lines from Tinn's hands. I laid down on the floor in tears covering my mouth with one hand and chest with another. I was totally heartbroken, how the fuck this happened.
I should've stayed quiet. I can't believe this happen. WHY ME. OH MY GOD WHY ME.

I started overthinking, what if i actually misunderstood? what if that's not that Jane? WHAT IF I FUCKED UP EVERYTHING BECAUSE IM DUMB??

This is too much for me.

I laid on my bed, wiped my tears and tried to fall asleep, but my thoughts were stronger.

I couldn't sleep, i wasn't even thinking about studying, there's no way I'm able to study. I have to sleep now. This is just a dream Gun.
This is just a nightmare.