Between the Heavens and the Embers

Chapter IV

"Breath, kid, breath..."

Hands on his knees, Adrien tried to stop himself from emptying the contempt of his stomach on the street. Passersby weren't even looking at him, probably used to this kind of scene by now. But when they saw a young man who probably had too much to drink, they didn't see the haunted eyes or the tears running down his cheeks.

After a few minutes, now sure he wasn't going to puke, Adrien let himself fall to the ground, his back to the wall. He looked to his right, where Alya was sitting, teary eyes fixed on the night sky. He glanced around, frowning.

"Turtle boy went back inside to fetch you guys some water," Plagg explained inside Adrien's pocket.

The latter simply nodded, too numb to talk. To think of anything rational. The only thing he had in mind was Marinette. Or rather, Victoria.

It was like being confronted with a memory that wasn't quite right. She was slightly taller, her body curvier, her face older. But the eyes were the same shade of dark blue, without the sparkle in it. The lips were just as he remembered, perhaps a bit fuller. Her smile was the same, although it was forced and shy. But her hair was a light brown instead of black so deep it shined blue under the sun. And most importantly, there was no sign of recognition in her eyes. No sign that she knew who they were. No sign of the loving friend and brave partner he so deeply loved. No sign of Ladybug. She was just another random girl who bore a striking resemblance to Marinette Dupain-Cheng.

He wished he could say she was a pale copy of the original. That she wasn't as pretty. But he couldn't, because Victoria was without a doubt the prettiest girl he had ever seen. She was exactly how he imagined Marinette would've looked like if she had gotten the chance to grow older. Minus the hair. He couldn't get over that, for some reason.

"It's crazy, isn't it?" he whispered. "How much she looks like her, I mean."

Alya laughed without humor. "Crazy doesn't even begin to cover it." A pause, then; "You okay?"

"No. Are you?"

"No."

"You guys know it's not her fault, right?"

They both jumped and turned to look at Nino who was crunching down beside them with water bottles in his hands.

"Victoria," he explained, handing them the beverages. "It's not her fault if she looks like Mari."

"Of course. We know that." Alya assured.

"Do you?" Nino asked, glancing pointedly at Adrien.

He didn't want to admit it. Couldn't admit it. Of course, it wasn't her fault! But... but how dared she? How dared she looked like her? How dared she walked around with her face without a care in the world? He knew it wasn't rational. Knew Victoria had nothing to do with this. But god, it hurts.

"I know it's not her fault. It's just..."

It was just weird, unfair, the universe's most cruel joke. But Adrien didn't know how to express it. Didn't know how to explain that for a brief second, his wildest dream had come true, only to crumble down immediately after. Because Marinette wasn't coming back to life. He knew that better than anyone else. He had held her lifeless body in his own damn hands. And yet, yet, the second Victoria smiled at him, it was like this heavy weight had finally been lifted off his shoulders. Like he could breathe for the first time in seven long years.

Fuck, he needed a drink. Or two. Screw that, he needed to be blacked out drunk and forget everything, down to his own name. Only then, maybe, would he feel better.