a/n : figured i'd force myself to publish a chapter in honor of pride month. <3
plot : ian's insecure , mickey comforts him. (fluff)
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Ian stood looking at himself in the mirror , cringing at his body. he remembers how he used to be incredibly skinny and muscular , and now theres no muscle and all chub.
everyday he regrets letting himself go , letting his sickness get the best of him and letting all his hard work go to waste. he had such a bright future ahead of him , with plans of joining the army and becoming one of the first ever gallaghers to go through with their dreams.
that all came to a rough stop when he got sick and let monica influence him , and its not like he could just join now , he completely ruined any chance when he used lips ID then got caught and arrested.
now he had no chance at a good future.
he was stuck waiting tables at patsys full time with shitty pay , dealing with creepy old men and assholes all week. the only good part about his life was his engagement to mickey milkovich , but even then he was confused as to why the man was still with him.
ian sighed and flicked off the light to their bedroom , walking out into the living room where mickey was sitting , drinking a beer and yelling at random commercials on tv.
thankfully they had their own house , but the only reason they were able to have their own space was because of mickey. he had a job as a mechanic and made a lot more money than ian did , so the weight of supporting the two of them fell on mickey , as ians paycheck went towards his meds everytime.
the younger man felt shitty about it , he hated that it was fully up to mickey to pay every bill and buy the groceries every month. anytime they went out , mickey had to pay , which is why ian avoids going out at all.
"hey , firecrotch!" his voice called out , ian suddenly snapping out of whatever haze he was in to find mickey standing right infront of him. once the milkovich realized ian was back to reality he smiled , "you were there just starin at me , started creeping me out."
"sorry mick." ian mumbled out and headed towards the kitchen , sighing softly as he did so. mickey followed after him , noticing something was wrong , "what were you thinking about?" he asked and ian shrugged , "wasn't really thinking about anything , just admiring you."
mickey sensed a lie , "you looked too busy in your own head to be admiring me. took me a minute to get you to focus again." he spoke and ian grabbed water out of the fridge , "i was thinking about and admiring you." the redhead retorted but the milkovich scrunched his nose , another lie.
whether his fiancée liked to admit it or not , mickey knew him inside and out. he knew all of his little quirks , his body language when he lied , the way he refused to look at anyone when he lied and how he started fidgeting nervously. these were all things mickey picked up over the years and he notices every single one of them.
"you've really gotta learn to stop lying to me , you'd think you learned your lesson from the anount of times i've called you out before." he leaned against the counter and watched the younger man , who now stood facing mickey and huffed in defeat.
"so tell me whats up." mickey demanded , watching the way ian hesitated for a moment.
he looked away from his fiancé , tapping his fingers against his water bottle , "I—..." ian started but stopped not knowing how to word it , "I just don't like ... me." the red head shrugged. when mickey didn't answer , he knew he wanted ian to elaborate.
"i've got no muscle anymore , and i've gotten bigger. i have to take medicine just to regulate everything in my brain , i can't help with any of the bills or buy you nice shit."
the more the younger man explained himself , the more mickey got frustrated because he hated when ian did this. he hated the fact that ian thought so negatively about himself , he hated how ian was tearing himself down and wouldn't let anybody help him.
"if only you could see yourself the way i see you..." mickey spoke softly , interrupting ians rambles.
the red head looked at his boyfriend , raising an eyebrow in confusion , mickey noticed this and continued on , reaching out for ians hand.
"i see a beautiful boy when i look at you , i see somebody whos strong and very independent. i see somebody who tries their hardest , always , somebody whos loving and gentle." he squeezed the boys hand softly , "ian despite what you think , i don't need shit from you. i don't need expensive gifts or to go on a million dates at fancy restaurants."
he pulled ian close to him , feeling him instinctively wrap his lanky arms around mickeys small waist.
"and you know why , i don't need all of that? because i have you and thats enough for me. ian we fought so damn hard , for so damn long to be together , and now we're engaged. i very much prefer an engagement over anything else."
the milkovich kept his voice soft as his eyes scanned his lovers face , watching his eyes gloss over , "and i don't mind having to pay all the bills , because it reassures me that i'm taking care of you in a way. i definitely wouldn't complain if you helped , but you're in a tight spot right now and keeping you medicated is the most important thing. i'm not angry about it , never have been and i never will be."
ian buried his head into the crook of mickeys neck , breaking down into a sob. he couldn't help but feel bad about it , and mickey knew that , but mickey knew that all he needed was a little reassurance and it would soon subside , and he wouldn't worry about it as much.
mickey held him tightly , rocking them to the side as he let ian cry , pressing soft kisses on the boys shoulder. "i love you , muscle or no muscle , i love you rich or poor , i love you no matter your body weight , and your bipolar will never , ever get in the way of me loving or caring for you."
ian only started crying harder after those words , it meant a lot to hear them , specifically from mickey. it gave him all the reassurance he needed , and it helped the anxiety subside.
he tried to speak through the tears but it wasn't working , the gallagher could hardly breathe. mickey shushed him , "i know you love me , no need to say it , just focus on breathing." and ian did , and soon enough his cries came to a stop and his breathing was regulated , making mickey smile.
"lets go lay on the couch hm?" he suggested and watched as the gallagher nodded , walking over to the couch and laying down , ian following suit and laying on top of him.
their legs entangled themselves and ians head found its place on mickeys chest , listening to his heartbeat. the older boy ran his fingers through the ginger locks , turning on the tv and finding something to watch , but it didn't take long for the younger boy to doze off , letting soft snores escape his lips.
mickey smiled to himself and kissed the top of ians head , keeping the tv at a low volume , and pulling the blanket from off of the floor and ontop of ian.
there wasn't a lot mickey was all that determined to do , but one of the most important things to him was to make sure ian felt loved and protected , and in ians opinion , mickey was doing one hell of a good job at it.
they had this love thing figured out . . everything was gonna work out just fine between them.
