Lokius Oneshots By Kiera

Just a Mess

Soundtrack: "Just a Mess" by Tones and I

TW// Mentions of Self-Harm and Suicidal Thoughts, Borderline Personality Disorder, Depression, C-PTSD, implied past s*xual violence, implied past domestic violence, implied miscarriage

(Kind of AU where the TVA didn't disclose all of Loki's life to Mobius, which is why he doesn't know what Loki went through with Fandrąll)

(And yeah, I made him even more of an asshole in this, so what? 😒)
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Mobius POV

I was in bed with Loki and things were getting pretty heated. I went to slip my hand under his t-shirt but he pushed me away.

"No, I want my shirt left on." He gasped, holding onto my wrist with a death grip.

"What's wrong?" I ask, concerned. I could tell by the look on his face, it was something he didn't like talking about.

"Remember Fandrąll?" He asks, his voice small and shaky.

"Fandrąll the Dashing, one of the Warriors Three?" I say softly. 

"Yeah, him." Loki says. "He's my ex. We were betrothed, many ages ago. But he...he wasn't a very nice man." Loki hesitates, his voice quivering even more now. "Sometimes, when he was really frustrated and had a lot of pent up anger, he'd...he'd take it out on me. I used to use my magic to hide the bruises, to numb the pain and act like nothing was wrong."

"Oh, Loki. That's horrible." I say softly, brushing some hair out of his face as the tears started to fall.

"But then at night, he started waking me up and..." Loki continued, his voice thick with unshed tears and unreleased sobs. "Making me do things. And it hurt, Mobius. It hurt, but I felt like I was powerless to stop him. He was my husband, I felt like that was what I was supposed to do. I thought I was fulfilling my marital duties or something. I had no idea I could say no to my husband, Moby."

"Of course you can say no. It's your right, Lokes. This isn't the Viking ages anymore, baby." I say, and he chuckles softly, taking my hand in his.

"What was worse was when..." He hesitated, I could see the pain in his eyes. "When I lost my child. She wasn't even born yet. What would have been my first born, gone before I even got to feel her moving." Loki says, unable to hold back his sobs anymore. "I've been all fucked in the head ever since. The depression and the C-PTSD and Borderline Personality. I'm just a mess, Mobius. And you're just a person who changed my life."

"I'm so sorry all that shit happened to you." I say softly, holding him tight. "I promise, I will never, ever, ever hurt you like that. I will do nothing but give you all the love and affection and attention you deserve, because I love you, and I'm not going anywhere."

"I love you too, Moby." Loki says softly, snuggling up closer. "I don't know what I'd do if you ever left."

"Well, You'll never find out, because you're stuck with me, mischievous scamp..."

∆