Unbelievers

Chapter 9.10

"I'm fine."

Louis is more tired of that phrase than anyone will ever know.

"No, you're not. You're miserable."

Louis closes his eyes in frustration. There's no need to tell him that. It's as obvious as the hickey Niall is sporting on his collarbone, red and glaring. Louis doesn't say anything about it, because they both know exactly how obvious it is.

People have been asking him if he's fine at least three times an hour. When he walked inside the house after Harry left last Thursday, he stopped by the kitchen, for a second watching his family. Lottie, Daisy and Phoebe were crowded around Mark, laughing as they tried to pull him down to the floor. Jay and Fizzy were dotting whipped cream in one another's faces. Picturesque.

Mark and the girls stopped as they saw him standing there. "Hey," his dad said, his broad smile falling as he saw Louis' red-rimmed eyes. "What's up, kid?"

"Harry and I broke up," he said, before he rushed away. Lottie and Fizzy came knocking on his door a few minutes later, hugging him until the tears eventually dried away. He didn't feel any better then, and he isn't expecting to in the foreseeable future either.

So people ask him if he's fine, because he's obviously not. Louis grumbles in answer, scowling away their concerned second question. It's been eating at him for days. It's Monday, first day back in school since the talk (he didn't go on Friday).

He and Niall are strolling behind the school building, heading towards a small lawn hidden behind the gym. They used to go there a lot in junior year, just being together, Louis fiddling with a football, Niall rambling about something without meaning, smoking just to smoke, talking just to talk. It feels weird going back now that it's been so long since the last time.

They settle down on the grass, the sun streaming in behind a couple of trees. Louis leans his head back against the ground, Niall's hand patting him twice on the stomach, before he starts whistling good-naturedly. Louis' mood can't be swayed, and he should be annoyed, but he's not. The melody is just there. It's summer soon, so it's only appropriate.

"Can you believe senior year is over?" Niall says. "It's flashed by so fast."

"Yeah."

"If anyone told me we stopped being friends for a few months I'd never believe them."

"Me neither," Louis murmurs. He's put his shades on, hiding his eyes from sunlight and the scrutiny of other's gazes.

"I wouldn't believe them either if they told me that all of that happened just for you to throw the reason away later." He side-eyes him meaningfully, brow arched.

Louis looks away. As if he hasn't thought about that. As if it hasn't been gnawing at his bones how useless and meaningless it seems now. But at the same time it's not, because now he knows himself a little better. He's conflicted.

"Can we not talk about it?"

"No?" Niall says, the sound soft, but he's looking at him seriously. "You can't keep shelving things up inside of you. You'll just keep being miserable. I think you should just admit to yourself that you made the wrong choice. We both know you did. You're still in love with the kid, and that won't change even if you're apart."

Louis swallows, blinking behind his sunglasses. Harry going away will hurt him more than anything, but the words he spoke before he left him on the porch are burning in his head. Would you still give up on me then? Or are you just bitter?

They walk back to the main school building in silence.

There are only five days of school left, graduation holding place on Friday. He expected it to feel huge, but it's been overshadowed by everything else. They have their last footie practice today as well. They won't be doing anything serious, just mess around, talk about the season that just passed. Louis is going to miss playing footie with these boys, and he's going to miss Coach Abrahams. He's always been good to him.