The girl behind her smile

- 32 -

I look up through teary eyes and stare at Eli before rising the question that was gnawing at my mind, "What happened?"

Elijah swallows, not once tearing his eyes away from her, "She had a cardiac arrest during work."

A breath of air leaves my mouth as I look down once more, "Why isn't she awake?"

"She's fine now, she' just sleeping, she didn't just get much last night." Elijah's voice gradually grew quieter, he was losing himself to his own thoughts and I took this as a sign to stop asking questions, as long as she's ok, I can worry about the details later.

I walk outside, and place myself on the benches in the corridor. All that running and panicking took a toll on me, and as there were no more seats in her room, I had no other choice but to wait outside.

The weight in my head, drags my face down, and I use the two palms of my hands to support my forehead. The already present migraine increases in strength, but there's nothing I can do but scrunch my eye shut and pray that it goes away.

I knew I couldn't ask Elijah to move, he was the only one who really deserved to be sat next to mum. Both me and Ezra were so caught up in our own little problems, we had forgotten to what extent mums heart condition had worsened.

God, we've been so selfish.

Multiple times she had chest pains, headaches and felt weak. But I always brushed it off as a one time thing.

Fooling myself, this was the side effects of the medication she was on, or perhaps jut her on her road to recovery.

Elijah's been running back and forth between taking mum to her checkups, dealing with us and my panic attacks, and his own a-levels and not to mention the job he picked up also. I can't even begin to imagine how weary he is feeling.

And here we were, dragging ourselves into situations that could have be avoided. I let the first few sobs leave my mouth, and immediately I use my arm to stop myself from making it any louder.

Every time I think my life is getting better, every time I see a small glimmer the end of the tunnel, I'm always wrong. The tunnel keeps stretching and that light becomes dimmer the faster I run towards it.

I though I was doing better.

I thought we were doing better.

First Zayn, now mum. I'm not sure how much more I can handle.

My breath becomes heavier, and that tight feeling in my chest worsens. There are no tears running, I hold them back because I know when they begin, they will not stop. The beating in my brain does not cease, even when I dig my nails into my head out of frustration.

Slender fingers wrap around the wrist of the hand that was supporting my head. They gently pry it away, and automatically, I am forced to look up. Those chartreuse eyes find me once more, so firm and sure. His hands encase either side of my head, and softly brings it forwards, just until the tops of both our foreheads touch.

Not once does he loose eye contact, and that unyielding look of compassion, keeps me rooted.

"You're ok." His voice sounds like the gentle breeze that fills the air during the mornings in spring, light.

I shake my head slightly, the tears in my eyes are now hanging loosely, waiting for a chance too break free, "I'm not."

"You are." He whispers, "You're safe with me."

His words break a damn I had no idea I had built, and I immediately sob. He brings my head into his shoulders, and I feel his hands running over my hair. I have never cried so openly before. Even back at the pond, that was not me letting go of my emotions, that was my grief overflowing from within, but this; this is finally having someone to take care of me.

He doesn't once utter words, and his silence brings me more relief than anyone could ever imagine. I am glad that he is letting me cry, he doesn't try to calm me by whispering false promises of a happy ending, he simply lets me express what I feel.

Jasper was the strong shoulder I need.

__ __ __

Hey guys,
Sorry for the long wait, I've had a hectic summer and I still can't promise there will be more frequent updates.
I hope you have all had a lovely day, or will have one! Please make sure you point out any errors in my writing :)

See you in the next chapter!

Elle x