The girl behind her smile

- 35 -

My eyes open to the few strands of sunlight that have seeped through the curtains, and I roll to my side, stretching my limbs. A small smile plays on my lips, when I remember what happened last night. I move over to go to the bathroom and immediately a sharp pain shoots through me, and I freeze mid step, it seems having sex was also going to affect the pace I can walk.

I can't help the grin that plasters my face as I was to the kitchen, expecting to see Jasper somewhere around the apartment. But instead, I notice the eery silence of the room, following me wherever I step, and my heart drops.

He wasn't here.

With panic in my steps, I search frantically through each room, despite the searing pain that shoots through with every step

He wasn't in the apartment at all.

I reach out for my phone, dialling his number as fast as my fingers could. Nibbling my lips I wait, the sound of the ringing tune halts, and the phone call gets redirected to voicemail. I swallow, redial his number.

Again.

And again.

And again.

All reaching to the same sound of his voicemail.

Did I do something wrong last night?

I confirm in my mind that I had told him not to expect anything big because I was new to this. And I am sure he said he did not care. A small feeling of dread seeps into my skin, bringing along a string of thoughts I had tried to avoid.

I push down the lump in my throat and dial once more. Perhaps I was overreacting, he surely wouldn't have left me for no reason.

His voicemail greets again.

And the first few tears leave my eyes.

-

An entire week had passed since that night.

And in those three days, my world had started to crumble once more. Mum was admitted back in hospital from heart palpitations. Ezra had informed me that Jasper had sold all of the rings he owned in England. And the hole in my heart was beginning to gape once more.

No phone calls were being received, but I still called every hour, hoping that by some miracle he would call me back. But instead I had memorised his voicemail.

Yet, each day I would be waiting by his locker in hope of seeing him, thinking that perhaps he had a perfectly reasonable explanation for his behaviour, and that our relationship was not all imagined in mind. And that I had not been left behind once more.

My fear for safety became more imminent. What if it was his father? And not him?

What if he needed help, and I had just been waiting in school instead of actively searching fro him.

His absence in school was ringing alarm bells in my mind, and so I decided to visit his apartment to see if he had returned since

"Jasper!" I shout as he closes the door, his head snaps to me.

The moment I realise there is no pity, remorse or even affection in his gaze is when my heart picks up the pace it beats at. I notice the suitcase latched to his right hand and the bag draped on his shoulder. It seemed as though he was leaving.

"Where are you going? I-" I walk towards him as I speak, "Where have you been?"

His jaw clenches, and my heart shatters. He seemed annoyed. Like talking to me was wasting his time.

Despite the silence between us, he refuses to speak.

"Why aren't you saying anything?" I whisper.

"I need to go, I have a flight to catch." He replies finally, in a voice harder than his heart.

"Go? Wh- I don't understand, you never told me anything." I fumble over my words as fear settles in, "Where are yo-"

"Oh my God." He sighs, agitation lacing his voice, his eyes narrow as they look down on me, pinning me to the floor, "You are so naive it makes me sick."

"What?" I breathe.

He walks forwards slowly, taunting me with every step, "I thought you'd understand when I left you after I used you, but you're so clingy, it's unbearable. I don't owe you any sort of explanation."

My eyes begin to water, "Use?"

He smirks, rolling his tongue between his teeth, "Have you already forgotten he promised I made you last year?"

I'm going to really mess with your head, so bad you'll wish you never opened that pretty little mouth of yours.

"Ah, it looks like you're remembering." He leans back, rolling his neck, "Now that you understand, I'm going to leave, I don't have time to waste on you."

My breath ceases for a moment. The world around me begins to buzz and I doubt every memory in my mind. Had this entire relationship been a sham? All for petty revenge?

 Where was the boy I was in love with go? Was everything I believed just one big ruse?

Those words felt as though someone had wrenched my heart from me, to know how much I had dedicated to him, and to see how easy it was for him to throw it all away.

I gave my everything to him, I trusted him, time and time again, believing he was someone worth waiting for. Not once had I doubted what we had, his love felt so pure and genuine. And to think it had all been an act.

My throat begins to close up, and it becomes harder for air to reach my lungs. I focus on the world that was tilting around me, and notice that Jasper was no longer before me. 

He had really left.

And although the world around me was beginning to darken, there was only one thought lurking in my mind.

I wonder how much ice cream it's going to take for me to forgive you.

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Please let me know if I have any errors in my writing!

Elle x