Meredith's Pain

23- Sweet Begins

Meredith's POV
After I cleaned up the mess from last night and put Zola to bed I was exhausted, I didn't end up eating any dinner, but that's ok Derek's always telling me I don't need it anyway that's why he only give me a few dollars for lunch. Derek left early this morning and he took Zona with him he refuses to leave her at home with me, I don't know why it's not like he does anything to look after her anyway but never the less he's left leaving me home alone. As I check the clock I realise Zona will be here any minute now, I've got to get up.

Arizonas POV
I've just arrived at Meredith house for the day, Callie is just helping me to the door when I heard a loud thud inside.

Meredith's POV
As I got to get up I realise Derek has pushed my chair to the other side of the room, I'm not sure if he did it on purpose wouldn't surprise me if he did, but I'm not sure what I'm meant to do I obviously can't walk to my chair and I don't yet have my prosthetic at home. I try and balance out of the bed, I manage for a second before I suddenly loose balance and fall to the floor.

Arizona's POV
A: Meredith!!
I yell from the front door, as I push on it I realise it's open.
C: Meredith are you ok?
Callie yells this time as I again entering the house Callie close behind me with Sofia in her arms, Sofia is going to the day care today but we couldn't leave her in the car.
A: Callie I can't go upstairs can you please go check on Meredith.

Callie's POV:
I quickly pass Sofia to Arizona before running up the stairs, I was saddened as I see Meredith sitting on the floor of her bedroom.
C: meredith are you ok?
I ask bending down to her
M: yeah I'm fine...
She winced
C: what happened?
I'm concerned how did she end up on the ground.
M: my chair...I couldn't reach it
She signs, I feel like she's lying but I don't want to question her.
C: oh mer, can I help you
She seems slightly hesitant but eventually nods, carefully I pick her up placing her in her chair, before wheeling her to the stairs.
C: Meredith would you like me to carry you down to stairs
M: no I got it
She says quickly before sliding onto the floor and then down the stairs to the chair that had been left at the bottom. I was impressed, obviously her and Derek have been working on her independence, it's impressive.

Arizona's POV
I see Callie and Arizona start to come down the stairs and I'm heartbroken as I see Meredith slide down the stairs on her own, just another thing she's learnt to do on her own because Derek refuses to help her.
A: Meredith are you ok what was that bang
M: it was nothing
C: it was not nothing, (turning to Arizona) Meredith fell out of her bed trying to get to her wheelchair.
M: I did not
C: then why did I see you lying on the floor!
M: I balanced for a second meaning I didn't fall out of bed I fell over
A: mer that's not any better are you ok?
M: I'm fine
I hate the way she does that, I know it's not her fault she's been taught for years to not ask for help and to suppress her feeling but I want her to feel comfortable with me
A: ok as long as your ok.
C: ok I'm heading into work, I'll see you guys in a bit, come her munchkin
Callie grabs Sofia off my lap, I did offer to just have Sofia stay with us today but Callie said she liked having her at the hospital cause she could see her during her breaks plus she wanted to give me and Meredith sometime to relax. Callie quickly said good bye leaving just me and Meredith.
A: how are you doing?
M: I'm ok, and I mean it
A: ok
I smile at her, and she smiles back
A: so what should we do
M: well... normally on my off days I would clean the house but it's been a bit hard since...
She didn't have to finish her sentence I knew what she was going to say,
A: well I can try and help what do you normally start with.
M: um, hang on normally Derek leaves a list on the kitchen bench,

As Meredith had said Derek had in fact left her a list as I looked at it my blood boiled his wife was still learning how to adjust to losing her entire leg and he expected her to basically clean the whole house.
I quickly looked through the list and made a second list of the harder task he expected her to do and told her I would do them.

Meredith and I split off to do the task, and before I knew it I was I was finished, and I made my way back to the kitchen, where I can see Meredith putting away plates, I smile at her she's amazing she doesn't realise it but she it. I duck back around the corner to grab my phone and I hear a crash

A: Meredith!

Meredith's POV
I'm putting the plates away when suddenly I drop one,
A: Meredith!
Crap, why can't I do anything right Arizona has been helping me all day and I can't even put stupid dishes away, she's going to be made with me I mean she has every right to be I'm and idiot,
I'm stupid,
I feel my thoughts start to spin and suddenly I can here my mothers voice yelling at me.
E: Meredith your worthless,
You can't do anything right no wonder no body liked you

Arizona's POV
I heard the loud crash then go into the kitchen to see Meredith sitting in her chairs her leg crunched up to her chest and a broken plate on the floor. Oh gosh poor thing
A: Meredith, honey?
I make my way over to her and realise that she'd muttering to herself
M: I'm so stupid, I'm an idiot, no one likes me
I can see she's started to regress,
A: Mer,
I try but it doesn't seem to be working,
I move myself so I'm behind her and mover her chair so it's away from the broken plate, then I pull her into my lap, and start gently rubbing her back.
A:I'll be your candle on the water,
My love for you will always burn.
I know you're lost and drifting
But the clouds are lifting.
Don't give up, you have somewhere to turn.
I'll be your candle on the water,
'Till every wave is warm and bright.
My soul is there beside you,
Let this candle guide you.
Soon you'll see a golden stream of light.
A cold and friendless tide has found you,
Don't let the stormy darkness pull you down.
I'll paint a ray of hope around you,
Circling in the air,
Lighted by a prayer.
I'll be your candle on the water,
This flame inside of me will grow.
Keep holding on, you'll make it,
Here's my hand so take it.
Look for me, reaching out to show,
As sure as rivers flow,
I'll never let you go.
I'll never let you go.
I'll never let you

Once I'm finished singing she's no longer muttering to herself but I can still tell she's upset,
A(using Makaton and talking): Mer, do you want to go to the couch?
I ask, I watch as her eyes brighten as I use Makaton, I spend all of last night and early this morning learning it so I could use it with her, I figured it could help in moments like this.
M(using Makaton signs): yes please,
Carefully I wheel us over to the coach where I move her into the couch before moving myself next to her, she's started to calm down a bit now
A(using Makaton and talking): would you like to watch a movie?
M(using Makaton and talking): yes pwease,
A: how about Pete's dragon?
I ask knowing that's the movie the song I've been singing is from,
Meredith just nods her head and cuddled into me. I like this feeling it feel comfortable perfect, Meredith's head is positioned so it's on my chest, as I look at her I noticed how beautiful her eyes are, they are just staring back at mine, and her hair fall's perfectly around her face, how have I never realised how beautiful she was before. Before I realise what I'm doing I lean down and kiss her forehead...