Meredith's Pain

20- History

Arizona's POV
I was laying in the bed opposite Meredith, I'd slept a bit myself but when I woke up Meredith was still fast asleep, as I looked at her my heart broke, the poor girls has been through so much it's not fair. As I lay there, I quickly check the time on my watch. 1pm, ok so I've got a fair bit of time before Callie finishes work and we have to head home. Just then I could here something coming from the bed beside me.
M: Lexie no please
Oh no Meredith is having a nightmare, I've been getting them as well, it's always the same, we are back in the woods except this time the helicopter flys away and doesn't realise we are there, slowly we run out of food and wolves start to surround us.
M: Cristina no,
As I look towards Meredith I can see she's crying,
A: Meredith honey wake up it's ok
I try to wake her, but it doesn't seem to be working,
A: Meredith, your not in the woods anymore your in the hospital your safe it's ok.
I try again, this time shaking her gently but it doesn't seem to be working, I sigh to myself this poor girl. I'm trying to think of how to calm her but nothing seems to be working as a last resort I transfer so I'm sitting on the bed she's lying on and move her so she's sitting on my lap, before I start rocking her slightly, I try to think of a song to sing to her, but nothing seems to be working just then I think of one,
A: When a star is born, they possess a gift or two
One of them is this , they have the power to make a dream come true
When you wish upon a star
Makes no difference who you are
Anything your heart desires
Will come to you
If your heart is in your dream
No request is too extreme
When you wish upon a star
As dreamers do
Fate is kind
She brings to those who love
The sweet fulfillment of
Their secret longing
When you wish upon a star
Makes no difference who you are
Anything your heart desires
Will come to you
Like a bolt out of the blue
Fate steps in to see you through
When you wish upon a star
Your dreams come true

As I finished sing to Meredith I feel her stop shaking and she's lying calmly again my chest.
A: Meredith honey wake up
I feel her slowly start to wake up, at first she pushes me away slightly, but then realises it's me and calms down.
M: I'm sorry
My heart breaks a bit every time I hear her apologise,
A: no need to be sorry, I get nightmares as well.
M: really?
A: yeah, really I know it can be scary.
M: thank you
A: there is no need to thank me Mer, now do you reckon your ready to tell me what's going on.
I felt her tense in my arms
A: it's ok I'm not going to judge you ok.

Meredith POV
Arizona says she's not going to judge me but how could she not I'm useless, once I tell how about all the people in my life I've upset she'll realise I'm just as pathetic as they say I am and she'll hate me too.
A: Meredith, hey I know your thinking right now about how even if I say I won't judge you I will but I promise Meredith I won't judge you ok, I just care for you and I'm worried about you
I sigh as I hear Arizona say that, I mean what's the worst that could happen, already no one loves me who's alive anymore, what's one more.
M: um...ok... I...hm... first was my father

Arizona's POV,
I shift Meredith slightly as she start to explain to me what abuse she's gone through, truthfully I don't think she realises it's assault.
M: first it was my father I can't even remember when that started, I just knew not to do the wrong thing, but I could never seem to do the right thing, it was my fault I was a stupid child who couldn't figure out how to not upset people.
My heart broke as Meredith explained what had happened, she was so matter fact about it like it just made sense, and wasn't a big deal.
A: what did your father do Mer, did he hit you
Meredith just shrugged her shoulders,
A: Meredith did you father hit you as punishment.
This time Meredith nodded her head
A: oh mer, did you mother know
M: yeah, she's the one that always told me not to annoy him she was right I was stupid and immature and I should have know better
As Meredith spoke I thought about the way she'd talked about her family in the past as I thought about it I remember her father left when she was only 4.
A: Mer, didn't your father leave you and your mother when you where four.
Meredith nodded looking at me slightly confused.
A: so you where only like 3&4 years old and your mother was telling you, you had to be more mature.
M: I suppose but she was always like that she loved me but she wasn't the coddle kind of mother, she always told me when I was getting to fat, or when I deserved to be punished. She was angry a lot and I got in trouble a lot, especially as a teenager. But I deserved it.
A: Meredith your mother was abusing you too?
M: no she never hit me
A: Meredith you know Abuse isn't just physical
M: no but it wasn't,
I saw Meredith face drop as she realised, it made sense now why she hid when Ellis was brought into the hospital, and also why she didn't react when Thatcher slapped her after Susan died, poor thing both her parents then her husband,
A: oh..
Suddenly I was cut off my Meredith
M: I mean my mother couldn't have been abusive she helped realise what I was doing wrong so Finn would like me better
A: who was Finn,
I'd never heard that name before
M: my high school boyfriend, my mother always told me it was my fault that I pissed him of she helped me to stop pissing him off
The more Meredith told me the more heartbroken I felt for the girl, she had been to badly abused her whole life she didn't even realise it wasn't right.
A: Meredith did Finn hit you as well
She just nodded,
A: oh mer
M: it's ok I deserved it
A: no Meredith you didn't, people who love you shouldn't hurt you. Both your parents, Finn and Derek are all abusive, they are bad people.
M: I never said Derek hurt me
I sighed,
A: mer, you didn't need to I could tell. He does doesn't he
She buried her head into my chest
A: oh honey, it's ok you don't deserve that ok he's abusive, and we are going to get you out of there
Suddenly I felt her snap her head away from my chest
M: no
A: what do you mean no, Meredith he's abusing you, you need to leave
M: I can't
A: yes you can, you can come stay with me and Callie
M: no...no
I felt her start to shake,
A: hey, hey it's ok.
M: I can't leave...
A: it's ok what's wrong
M: my baby...
A: you can bring Zola it's ok
M: no...no... I can't lose her
A: you won't lose her you can bring her
I pulled Meredith close into my chest, then I heard her mumble something.
M: Immmmadmmmmnmmmmonmmmdemmmm
A: Meredith I'm sorry I couldn't understand you, what's wrong...

Authors Note
I hope you liked this chapter,
What is it that Meredith needs to tell Arizona why is she freaking out.
Also please pretend the person singing in the video is a female it's the only version I could find where they sing the first verse.
Please leave a comment telling me what you think.