In love with my bestfriend(s)

035

Tw drugs
*few months later. Right after emily got impaled bc of doyle*

"Emily noo!" Derek sat by her side. I fall on my knees when I see her body. I see her crying out, with a wooden stick impaled in her body.
I couldn't move. Paramedics ran in and got her in the ambulance.

I gather myself and step inside of the ambulance.
"I'm sorry miss but you can't come with us" the paramedics say.
"I'm her partner, I'm not leaving her"
The man nodds and I sit down.
"Pls stay"
The door closed and the ambulance started moving. In that moment she started coding.

"Emily?! No what's happening" I held on to her hand.
"She's coding mam, stay calm"
I had to let go of her and as they started cpr. I held on to the necklace she gave me. "Don't leave me" I cried out.

They started to use the paddles on her. Which ment I had to let go of her hand.
"Charge 100. Clear" her body jumped. After a few tries they got a rhythm.

"Stay with me okay" I took her hand again and bowed my head down on her.
"It's okay" I heared her voice. I look up at her. The wood was still inside her stomach.
I felt the ambulance stand still.
"Your going to survive, and I'll be waiting for you in the next room" I say as they wielded her inside.
I walk all the way with her until I wasn't allowed anymore.

"I'm sorry mam but you need to go to the waiting room" a nurse said. I don't even care they said mam. I just care about emily.

I walk to the waiting room and pace around. Hold on to the necklace. The whole team came aswell.
Spencer walked over to give me a hug but I couldn't.
"Not right now." I pushed him away.
"If she doesn't survive" my voice breaks. I continued to walk around.
"She has too survive" Derek said to me.
"Yeah, she has too" I say quitly.

It felt like I was waiting for forever.
Jj went to ask about her.
"Y/n sit" Rossi said to me.
" I can't sit around and wait"

After a few minutes jj walked back.
"And?!" Everyone asked.
I saw the look on jj's face.
"She never even made it off the table"

"No" I shuckled. Spencer tried to walk out but jj stopped him.

Rossi took a hold of me but I pushed him off.
"No!" I screamed.
"She's not dead. She can't be! Emily!" I yelled through the hallways as I tried to find her.
"Y/n!" Derek yelled after me.
"Y/n stop it! She's gone" he yelled.

I stand still in the hallway as tears. rundown.
I cried outloud and fall to my knees. Derek ran over and held me. I push him but he won't let go.
"No!!!" I screamed.my voice cracked. The whole hospital heared me.
"I love her, she can't leave me!" I cried out again into Derek's chest.
The team didn't know about us. But now they do.

"I need to leave. I-i" I get up and ran off in tears. I found the closest empty room and lock myself in.
I slide down the door as I full break down.

Emily can't leave me. She can't be gone. I take my phone and call her.
It went to voicemail.

"Ssa emily prentiss, I'm not available rn leave a message after the peep"
I heard her voice again.

I sit there for a second. Crying in her voicemail.
"Pls tell me this is a joke" I talk to the phone.
"Your not death. Pls. I-i I can't live without. I don't want to live without you" I cried and cried.
"Come back plss" my voice breaks. My face I'm completely wet from my tears.
"I love you" I cried out again.
The voice mail ended.

I stayed there for a minute when horch knocked and came inside. I was laying on my side on the floor. Tears on the ground.
"Now I know how you felt" I say to him.
He stretched out his hand. I slowly take it he had to lift up my entire body weight. I wipe my tears. I stand infront of hotch when he all of a sudden wrapped his arms around me.

I was surprised but eventually I gave in to the hug. "Ill drive you home" I could barely keep myself on my 2 feet.
I lean against hotch as he helped me to his car.
"Thank you" I whisper quietly.

He dropped me of at home. He walked me inside and I immediately lock myself in my bedroom. I need drugs...
"Y/n?" Hotch knocked again.
"Thank you but leave"
My brain was filled with sadness. My thoughts were spinning. Filled with urges and even darker things.

I heared my front door close. I waited a few minutes before going through my phone to call up my old dealer.

Then i called emily again.

"I'm so sorry...but I cant do it without you. I need my drugs. You were my drugs. And now your gone. Don't be mad at me pls. I just don't want to feel" I got myself up out of bed. My body felt as if I was drunk. I couldn't walk in a straight line.

I meet up with the old dealer.
"Knew you'd come back some day" the guy says.
"Just give me cocaine idc in what form. I don't want to feel"
He takes out a baggy.

"More" he gives me a stash and I pay him upfront.
I smoke up the krack immediately.
I let out a breath after my first blow.
"Couldn't wait huh"

The chemicals fill my head.
When I finnaly get back to my apartment the high is over already.

I open the baggy and snort the powder. I let myself fall back on the couch. I don't feel anything now.