#1 Book
Lale yilmaz is a 17 year old Turkish Muslim revert who had to move to Malibu because of her fathers new job. Unfortunately, she went through a lot in her home town and her past still haunts her to this day. This causes her many problems she...
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≪•◦ Matteo ◦•≫
*very long chapter - over 6200 words*
Since the conversation we had yesterday on the table at lunch, I can't stop thinking about what Lale said. And how much I hate to admit— she's right.
I've been rethinking what I said earlier and realized how wrong it actually was of me to say that I don't believe love exists in general, because it's indeed not true. Love isn't only romantically as Lale said. It can also be platonically. Love can come in many forms. And yes, I do love my mom, my sisters and my friends, even when it doesn't seem so and I can't really show it like others do. But believing in romantic love? I don't know. I'm still confused and not sure about that.
It's been on my mind all day, even at night. I couldn't even sleep properly, but honestly I never can. I haven't slept properly in ages.
Last night, I was lying in my bed and reminiscing over all the pain and trauma my father has caused me. It's difficult to come to terms with how much it actually impacts my life.
I didn't had the same mindset as a young boy— well, before I found out the truth about my psychotic father.
When I was younger, I used to have this idealized vision of what my marriage would be like. I wanted it to be like the relationship my parents have. But after witnessing my father's abusive behaviour towards my mother, that dream was shattered. It's hard to imagine building a family of my own when I'm not sure what a healthy relationship looks like.
It's really frustrating to see how my father treats my mother. Even though it's not even her fault, he still blames her and takes out his anger on her. It's hard to watch someone you care about be treated that way.
It's really tough dealing with my father sometimes. He hates admitting when he's wrong and instead tries to shift the blame onto others. Its always someone else fault, but never his.
And my father is someone, who's willing to do whatever it takes to get what he wants, even if it means it will hurt someone else.
Growing up, my parents always put on a show of being in love, and I believed it was real because they were so convincing. I really looked up to my father and admired how he treated my mother.
When I found out that my parent's relationship wasn't as perfect as I thought it'd be, it really shook me. It made me wonder whether true love really exists, and whether I'll be able to find a relationship like the one I thought my parents had. It's tough to come to terms with the fact that something you believed in so strongly might not be true.
