Through The Camera (bxb)

chapter 16

The clock struck 4 o'clock and we were discussing our plans for the livestream while sitting on my bed. Just when he brought up the nipple clamps he wanted to use I remembered everything. The memories that disappeared on Friday all came flooding back at once. How we laid on the couch, Oliver on top of me, but what happened next was still hard for me to process. We... jerked each other off? And kissed?

No way, my mind must be playing tricks on me. This couldn't have happened. Oh no no... why did I do that?! I remember pulling him in, that means I made the first move!

How should I bring this up? Should I even ask about it? Why he went along with it and if he also knew about our make out. He did ask me multiple times if I truly forgot everything and I said yes. That means he came up with the lie that I threw up, right?

I'm not sure which one is better though.

"Max, are you even listening?" Oliver pulled me out of my thoughts with a slightly annoyed face. "Huh yeah, continue." I answered still a bit out of it. He just rolled his eyes and went on.

"So as I was saying... nipple clamps and vibrator this time. What do you think?" he questioned and if I were to be honest I wasn't exactly paying attention, but agreed, having caught only a few words. I was contemplating whether or not I should ask him and decided to go for it.

"Hey Oliver... about Friday..." I trailed off and he leaned closer, being all ears. "You see... I remember some stuff now." His eyes widened, but he remained silent. "We did something sexual, right?"

It was hard keeping eye contact in this tense atmosphere and I was glad when he was the first to break it. "Yes, we... y'know... masturbated together." He gave a nonchalant shrug and I was fascinated how calm he was in this situation. Was this nothing new to him? Did he do this often with other people? Just the thought of that made me furious and I decided to drop the topic. "Okay, well... I'll take a quick walk outside and return in time." I needed fresh air to cool my head and come to terms with his indifferent behavior. "Sure, we have about half an hour left anyway."

With that I left the house after putting on a coat and the right shoes. Once outside I felt much better. The air was cold and I could see my own breath. Winter was right behind the corner after all and I was already excited for Christmas. It's one of my favorite holidays I get to spend with my family and I couldn't wait for it to arrive. I didn't care about the presents, hanging out with your loved ones is more important and fun.

Darkness swarmed the sky and the area was quiet, not a single soul wandering around except for me. My eyes instinctively looked up and I studied the night sky amazed. You could see the milky way because no clouds were blocking the view. I stared at the gleaming moon and wondered how fascinating it all was. And so beautiful. Sometimes I just wanted to escape from it all. I didn't want to face reality and realize just how meaningless life was. Always a repetitive cycle, a routine. I lived with that mindset for so long I didn't even notice when it slightly changed. Because now I feel like life has a new meaning, it's almost unnoticeable, but it's still there and that's what matters.

The moment Oliver came into my life many things changed and I'm not sure if for the better or worse. At first he was an asshole, threatening to tell people my secret, although he promised he wouldn't, however then he began acting nicer and I realized how alike we are in many things. A small difference was that he grew up in a richer family, aside from that we had a lot in common.

After taking a stroll in the neighborhood I returned home as I didn't want to freeze to death. Once inside I felt much better and took off my coat and shoes. My hands were still cold and it was hard to move them so I marched over to the bathroom, crossing paths with Oliver on the way. "You look like a reindeer." he snickered and I send him a glare before hurrying to the mirror and confirming his unnecessary remark. My whole face was pink and my nose especially red. My scowl didn't leave my face while I washed my hands with warm water that felt burning hot.